When we need to quickly build a wall for protection, it’s so automatic to grab for the densest, heaviest, sturdiest materials. If there’s a storm coming in, or an army, we will soon be stashing sandbags at our doors and windows, heavy furniture, whatever we’ve got…and it’s the same for the body. When, for whatever reason, we feel exposed, vulnerable and without protection, the body will utilise whatever it can get its hands on to make itself feel more secure…and that’s often the densest, heaviest emotions it can find to build-into its energetic amalgam with living tissue and flesh, in the same way that sand and coarse grit is mixed with cement to make concrete. In fact, perhaps in the same way that we have become the concrete age, there is a popular human belief system that holds to the opinion that the more we pack our toughest and most painful experiences into our cells, the stronger and more resilient we will become in the long-term. Since the body regenerates new cells every few weeks, it will learn to incorporate these denser emotions into the mix as they become available, in an attempt to make the body feel more robust.
Perhaps women have the advantage in this respect…at least for the first portion of their lives. During our reproductive years, a woman’s entire physique is geared at carrying babies to term, keeping our full-bloom bodies naturally resilient and fleshy, robust and well-protected. In the second half of life, it’s as though these natural resources are withdrawn as we go through our life change and we are left feeling suddenly high, dry and vulnerable, stood in a cold wind without a coat. As the body then seeks to over-compensate for this loss of protection from collagen and bone (especially in this modern world, which can be pretty abrasive!), a woman can find herself carrying a walking library of heavy emotion she has utilised to build herself a replacement protective layer, which she carries all around her middle, like a body-suit to wrap around her heart.
If you don’t know what I’m talking about, consider that it’s a well-known phenomenon that emotion is stored in the body; known and accepted by even some of the more conventional approaches to medicine these days. Our bodies really are more of a body-mind than an unfeeling collection of organic tissues, made up from the building blocks of the experiences of our recent (and not so recent…) lives, especially our emotions. I’ve know and worked with this for some time, as most energy healing modalities do, but to have it demonstrated as succinctly as I recently did has been eye-opening all the same. As a woman going through “the change” I’ve been watching as my body thickens and morphs before my very eyes and with apparently no relationship to my light-vegan diet since I’ve been feeling uncharacteristically weight retentive around my middle, even as my skin and hair became noticeably thinner and all those other menopausal symptoms came on at a pace, including knee and other joints that became so painful I was starting to feel quite elderly.
It reached a point where I knew I had to do something to address my flailing hormone balance so I’ve been guzzling red clover tea and taking herbal phytoestrogen tinctures to see if I couldn’t tip my see-saw the other way. In remarkably swift time, I’m feeling different, my midriff discomfort and bloat is starting to ease, my joints have stopped being quite so painful and even my skin quality and face shape seems to have reverted back to something more akin to what I consider to be my fleshy and not-so-time-worn normal.
Perhaps because I have made this change in relatively swift time (…dont try this at home…), I’ve also been on an emotional rollercoaster and been noticing some fairly dense old feelings coming up that I hadn’t seen for quite a long time. I really thought I had done with some of these old-negative mindsets yet here they all were…not the old stories from years of accumulation that I had processed through already when I did all the inner work that got me to where I am today, but newer versions of them, much more recently accumulated. Thoughts of lack and diminished self-worth, thoughts of life envy for other people I know with more active or meaningful-seeming existences, thoughts of abandonment and victimhood, loneliness, hopelessness and despair….it all came up for me to take another look.
Then I realised how I had been stockpiling these emotions – which might otherwise have been fleeting and harmless, trivial and uncharacteristic – to make into a wall for myself, as protection to help cope with my newly oestrogen-depleted body. As my midlife hormone balance had been running its oestrogen stocks down at such a pace this year, resulting in the thinning of so much of the robust and reliable physical structure that makes up a younger woman’s physique, my desperate body had been grabbing at whatever dense, heavy material it could and had made “a wall” of these trivial and a-typical emotions, purely because they were the heaviest things it could find to use. This had perpetuated mindsets that had been no more than a leaf on the breeze; yet I had grabbed them and built them into my very tissue as a way of stopping the gap. Now, as I feel them all come out of me, in sync with dosing with the herbal teas that are rebalancing me, I realise I’m not experiencing these emotions “for real” in present time but just noticing them as they all come out of me…along with all the fluid retention and heaviness that is also being let go of. It still feels as bit raw as they pass through and I almost feel as though I have a flu as I process the shift-change in my body but, by being gentle and non-judgemental, allowing what wants to surface and be acknowledged as it passes by, I know I will get through it and feel much lighter and significantly cleansed on the other side.
I could have just left it all to its course and continued the way I was going but all my instincts were telling me that some natural hormone support was called for here as I was feeling just so uncomfortable with the way my body was headed (women would have thought nothing of using supportive herbs and tinctures through these life transitions in days gone by). With my hormones more balanced, I already feel I can now do a better job at being physically robust without storing up all that negative stuff as make-do protection; and I’d rather be more vulnerable than feel more sturdy out of layer of defensiveness and negative thoughts that I was hardly aware I was accumulating (and its quite alarming how we can go-unconscious about these habits). Besides, protection isn’t all about the physical body; we all have an energetic layer that takes care of us without having to resort to lower frequencies and I can work more on polishing my aura without all this physical denseness “getting me down”.
This is topical for me since I underwent an AuraTransformation in February; a process designed to cleanse away the tattered old aura that so many of us are walking around with these days in order to replace it with a new one that is intact and really works. It’s not an instant process by any means but is meant to set in motion a process by which the body’s energetic layer draws back to itself all the scattered, higher-vibrating energetics of “who you really are” in order to make it sturdier and more resilient for everyday physical life. The aura isn’t a brick wall so much as an energetic interface between our physical selves and all the rest; thus it doesn’t have to be limiting in any way.
Instead, or perhaps as well as doing that, it seems my body had concentrated its growth effort on rebuilding the physical layer of protection and had worked doubly hard to fill any gaps in that protection with all the denser material that made me feel leaden in my physique (and I have read that AT can also result in a certain amount of weight gain as a normal part of the process). Perhaps choosing the year of my menopause to attempt this energetic repair was a miscalculation on my part since the body tends to go a bit hey-wire in the urgency of its protective wall-building process at that time (why does this analogy automatically make me think of Trump?) but I’m onto it now with my herbals and a feeling of having learned my lesson about keeping those lower vibe feelings and thoughts at bay incase they become who I am…quite literally.
My hormones are feeling more balanced as my body steps back into a more relaxed state of being. Perhaps now I can really concentrate on creating a protective aura more so than a barrage of low-density “concrete” around my middle. Its been an interesting learning curve to watch how quickly we are capable of turning lower-vibe thoughts into the physical vehicle of ourselves, which then makes us feel even more dense and heavy…which then affects our moods…and so it all becomes a self-perpetuating thing, if we aren’t aware enough to see what is happening and stop it in its tracks. So for, hopefully, the last time I have been shown all this in action over a pretty short time-span lasting just a few weeks (last time I did this kind of clearing, I was working on a whole lifetime of energetic debris caught up in the body…) and am newly prepared to focus on mindfully creating my light-body, going forwards.
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