6 thoughts on “Relationships on the spectrum

  1. This post, and all you share, always, bring tremendous comfort to me. I’m internally drafting a post for my own series on this topic called “A Tribe of Individuals” which explores the resonance of neurology.

    I have come out at work to my supervisor and a few coworkers (who gossip, so I realize it may now be common knowledge) and it has made incremental but tangible improvement. I hesitated since I don’t have an official diagnosis and I thought they would doubt me (ha!), but they’re all like, oh yeah! Now I understand you! Since coming out, I see them making attempts to include me, give me notice about changes, and trust my good intentions. It’s still hard, but at least now, we’re all trying.

    We’ll talk more about this, I’m sure, since we’re experiencing so much the same !

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    1. Thank you so much, as ever, for continuing the conversation on this, I really do appreciate it and count you as one of the few people I really talk to because of the way you respond to these intimate sharings of mine.

      I’m so heartened to hear that your supervisor and colleagues took this so well and that it helped, that’s food for thought. I’m not sure how many people I need to tell if the group ceases to be (which I think it will) but perhaps one or two older long-distance friends. I told my sister a while back and she didn’t seem overly surprised and was supportive. Not so sure about my other siblings as they are harder to discuss such things with but I will see. I think, going forwards, I would tell any new friends once I felt ready to do so rather than stumble along as I used to do and that is where it might be useful…in the future unfolding of me, from this point.

      For now, Ive pushed asside the need to seek a diagnosis as the process feels “uncomfortable” and there really is no doubt in my own mind. The official info website for the UK suggests that diagnosis might be useful for some people but that it is really not essential and I agree.

      I really look forward to discussing this some more with you and to seeing your series appear when its ready. Thank you again for the way you so diligently read what I offer and for feeding back so swiftly, it means such a lot to me and I always look forward to your comments.

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  2. I remember the awe I use to feel at how open you were, where I was this painfully shy person who you actually have to typically lever information out of. You are one of the people I credit with allowing me to just be me and with no judgement after years of high school bullying. I am so sorry that the group has been disappointing I was impressed by your energy and drive; as ever you had got me thinking that maybe I really should drag myself away from my plants and beasts and be a bit more sociable. Friendship, real friendship is a rare and beautiful thing. I have six of 40 years, 30 years and 20 years standing but nothing more recent. Acquaintances yes but no one that I had had that click moment with.

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  3. I meant to add before I accidentally hit post – continue to be you because you are a wonderful person and somewhere out there are people who will really value you and will have a truly amazing friend who never gives you a dull moment. Don’t be afraid to be who you are.

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    1. I’m really touched by your comment Michaela as you are one of the few people who have known me for so long (from as far back as when I am now wondering “what was I really like at uni, did people even get me or did I come across as strange” etc). In my mind’s eye, tend to hold up that time as the “best” time I ever had for friendships and yours is one of those I treasure the most (and a rare one for having lasted). I always regard you as the person I related to most from the time I first arrived at uni (far more scared that I wanted to show anyone) and felt such a fish out water for a while…but I could relate to you and felt, also, that you had no judgement around me and so I could relax and be myself when we were together. I’m so grateful for that. As it stands, real friends that I get to spend time with are now very thin on the ground..the old ones lost and scattered to different places and lost threads… and I havent made any new ones of the, as you say, “click together” variety for at least 15 years. If I had to see someone, I mean really see someone or go mad, there is just one friend now as the rest are too scattered or gone. But your words are gratefully received and, even if the Meetup fizzles out as i think it might, I will think into other ways. Rather than “coffee” where the focus is always on chat, maybe I need to join an activity that is likely to attract similar types to me, like when I did art classes after leaving work. One BIG thing to come out of this is to decide, catagorically once and for all, that there is no more pretending to be anything other than who I am, to anyone, even myself….and the release of that is monumental.

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