There comes a time, in chronic illness, where you have to address a profound need to be left alone, to carve your own space, time to put down all attempt at social skills to go mute and self-focused, devoid of all expectations from others to do or react or say the right things and just "be" in the dark void with whatever it is that is happening to you. There has to be time and space for you to pull into yourself, to lick your own wounds and to grieve your own losses which, though less overt than an actual "death", are a kind of bereavement all of their own...a deep sadness for the health you once had, the person you used to be, the hopes you once nurtured. This, like any bereavement, takes time and space and solitude enough to process. My craving for solitude is extremely high right now, perhaps no different to how any wounded or traumatised mammal will withdraw to its den in order to attempt to self-regulate its highly overstimulated nervous system in a way that can only ever be done by curling up, alone. No amount of kind gestures or people wanting to fuss or help out can play substitute for this need to be alone and look our current state in the eyes, to intuit what we most need and to search for the means to initiate the body's own healing process, which is not something you "do" but, instead, patiently wait for with whatever small iota of faith that you have left.
What could have caused this ME flare?
Looking into the potential triggers of a significant ME flare-up, noticing the kind of lifetime patterns and underlying (personal) stressors that might be at the root.
Hypermobility (also, PoTs, chronic pain and fatigue) as exaggerated fight, flight or freeze reaction
Its just so interesting to try-on the all-too-familiar chronic health "flare-up" scenario through the eyes of Sensory Defensive Disorder rather than through the more blinkered perspectives of a particular conditions such as fibromyalgia, hypermobility or chronic fatigue sydrome. It certainly helps to explain how these flare-ups can come on in the most arbitrary manner with no obvious trigger. What if a high degree of sensory defensiveness underlies it all, in which case you can tackle the SD as a primary factor?
Mechanism of a flare-up – how understanding can lead to relief
Beaking down "what happens" when you flare-up and coming to understand why your body migth tend to resort to these responses to certain triggers, usually in an effort to help you (an understanding that can occur to you when you slow down enough to listen, instead of letting fear lead the research party) can make for a big breakthrough in managing these dips...
Oxalates, pain and autism
Don’t think this has anything to do with you? Oxalates can be related to a wide range of health issues, from inflammation to urinary frequency, interstitial cystitis, nonspecific joint pain, carpel tunnel, nerve pain, weak bones, vulvodynia, rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, tissue destruction, autoimmune diseases, digestive problems, skin rashes, vision issues and just so many chronic pain issues, including fibromyalgia, plus very many more. There's also an intriguing link with autism and EDS...
Somewhere in time
Why do we long for diagnosis, for validation, for something so fixed to get a grip on and is it always such a great idea? What happens when we court the softer possibilities, a nonlinear or quantum approach...or mix this up with a plan of action that leaves room for both? A personal review of these topics from a fibromyalgia perspective.
Coming up for release
In that moment before surrendering the bed to get started with my day, I cautioned myself "ok, take it steady this morning..." in my head but, too late, I was suddenly locked-up in excruciating spasm. All the signs of this likelihood had been there, from the steady build-up of widespread pain the day before to … Continue reading Coming up for release