Doing alright…unconditionally

Today I am sharing this post from Spinning the Light as its so pertinent to subscribers in this space given what is “going on” right now in the news. Something anyone with long-running health challenges will probably know about themselves (though it applies to us all…) is that when we feel overwhelmed by things going on outside ourselves, things over which we feel we have  little or no control, we can register that in our bodies in the same way that we might register a virus, too much alcohol or anything else that is toxic or “attacking” us. If we are on an epic recovery journey, we are likely to have put a great deal of effort into creating an inner sanctum and protecting ourselves against the kind of harsh variables that rock our boat; so what happens when they come knocking at our door?

Knowing how to hold that inner space of unconditional wellbeing intact whilst facing up to whatever is going on and taking part in all aspects of life that require our attention is such an important skill set; as I was reminded this week. Once we have a handle on this, it demonstrates to us that there is nothing coming at us from outside as such and that it is that inner choice point of how to respond – a decision made from the creator seat at the very heart of us –  that determines everything going on in our reality; manifesting as our most minute body responses and so very much more. We start to dare to live with a foot in both camps; one in the inner sanctum and the other “out there” in the world, newly trusting that these two aspects of ourselves can learn to walk together, “one…two…one…two…one…two”. In being enticed to practice such a balanced approach (when we may have thought we had withdrawn forever) lies the potential for a whole new level of healing as we are encouraged to believe that we are not signed up for life’s perpetual hopping race but can really do this whole “being divinely human” thing without expecting to keep falling over when something rocks the boat.


It is as though we are collectively holding our breath at the start of election week, both highly triggered and oh-so quick to shoot each other yet simultaenously paralysed into the hopelessness of two dire “options” on the table; have we ever felt so short-changed? We are all affected, wherever we live; I see it in everyone’s face, I hear all the worries coming home from school with my daughter. There is a tangible feeling of overwhelm, of “what have we done, what are we doing” sweeping the world and this feeds into the cells of our biology, into all the subtle mindsets at play and into the collective vibration of the world. Can we really do anything? Well yes and I was just reminded through the experience I share in this post what a vast difference it can make! (Read on…)

Source: Being light, choosing your vibe…whatever

Living your life whole

When I first set out to write this blog a couple of years ago, under its old name Health Reunited, I already had an impression of that thing that I still want to achieve, though it was less tangible to me than it is now.

I already knew I didn’t want to set out to repeat all the other many blogs about living with so-called chronic health issues or eating/exercising your way back to better health (though these aspects inevitably form part of my bigger picture), nor did I want to peddle insincere-sounding reassurance or admiration for the long-suffering reader, to share stories of victimhood or mindsets of defeatism. Rather, I wanted to deliver the essence of that thing, inside myself, that had kept me pushing forwards with unwavering optimism and almost bewildering tenacity. This thing, this powerful core aspect of me, has insisted upon feeling whole and intact, whatever life or my body happened to throw at me, and the more I have tuned into it, the closer I have got to manifesting that reality. You see, never once did I lose this sense of “everything being all right…really” through all the dark-tunnel years of fibromyalgia (or whatever we all choose to call it, since labels are all very arbitrary and can be such a sticking-point to true or sustained recovery). I always sensed there was a much bigger picture emerging to the surface of my life through what presented as all these weird and wonderful health challenges and I still know I was right.

Whatever your particular “challenge”…and it could be health, could be life’s so-called external circumstances…the raw materials that I share here are so often clues to addressing any of those situations. I say “clues” because those things that feel like they are going most “wrong” with our lives are clues to a degree of separation from such a fundamental aspect of self that we are left feeling perpetually misaligned with our own lives. Our journey back to the kind of wholeness that delivers greater joy or better health etc. is like a trail of breadcrumbs left by the clues of our “symptoms”. I am testament to the reality that this trail has led me directly back to a degree of wholeness and of unconditionally blissed-out love of life that was completely unknown to me before my health supposedly “crashed”; that crash serving as the much-needed entropy to deliver my highest and, certainly, speediest evolution…ever!

Looking back, I see so clearly how the life I was leading before this “happened” was as alien to me as somebody else’s life; following the priorities and belief-systems of someone that did not feel like me. It took this break-down of my physical body to find my way back to a version of self that is more closely matched to what truly feels like me than I have ever achieved before and the joy of this far outweighs any minor inconveniences in terms of the physical experiences I have been through along the way. My life looks very different  to how it was a few years ago and, along the way, I have found so many hidden gifts, including those that fuel a completely different life as an artist and writer (none of which skills would have bothered surfacing within the distorted life I was immersed in before). I absolutely adore my life these days and every day is such a gift that nothing else really matters; I am so much more than what is going on in my physical body.

Today, it feels like I have reached a new milestone in this adventure and have decided to change this blog’s name to “Living your Whole Life” to celebrate the fact. So, what does this new name actually mean to me?

Well, I mean it in the very literal sense of not letting health issues persuade you to live your life “small” or make do with anything incomplete or compromised, whatever seems to be presenting at the surface of your experience. Be in it for the whole story, going after all those things you really want to do, don’t waste a thing…go after those dreams, use those talents. Be aware of any aspect of yourself that is already cutting yourself a very short length of life’s cord, planning to compromise what is possible with excuses (“I can’t do that because…”) or to leave any sooner that you originally intended. You may shrug and say that’s not you but suicide takes many subtle, unseen and often very slowly-materialising forms; it’s a mindset of defeatism that creeps into every single situation and how you choose to handle it; eventually manifesting as tumours, dementias and other ways “out” of your physical body. It’s a “state of being” that is prepared to engage with the negative and miss the positive that is (always) there in any given situation. Its the part of you that apologies for being an inconvenience or a burden to others or who wonders how you will manage in the future if your health gets any worse (for starters, stop assuming that it will). If there’s one massive thing that I’ve learned, you’ve got to really want to be here and keep asserting that through everything you do.

Remembering that, at some level, I chose to have all of these experiences and that they have always been working on my behalf (even if I can’t always see that from ground level at the time) has been one of my biggest breakthroughs, leading directly to some of the most gigantic leaps in my recovery over the last five years….and there is not one single “negative” situation that I haven’t come to see the gift of from that perspective, eventually.

Notice how you talk about yourself, the language you use when you explain what’s going on with your health or your circumstances, to yourself and others; these are your clues to those subtle mindsets that can undermine your progress towards wholeness. How much do you identify with “being ill” or whatever it is that is keeping you from being more complete? Has it become your safe-haven, your identity, the thing you don’t know how to live without anymore? Even the writing of this blog about “health” made me wonder if I was identifying with this thing too much; making it into some sort of job-title or career persona – which is one of the reasons I have chosen to spring-clean my blog’s purpose and give it a brand-new name. No longer assuming “ill-health” as a starting point, my subject here is now an enthusiastic assertion that life is inherently “whole” and that all we need to do is step up to that plate.

Then I also mean “Live your Whole Life” in the sense of reclaiming the wholeness that awaits you…for isn’t that what recovery is? We re-gather parts of ourselves that seem to have been mislaid (during this lifetime, perhaps across many others). We remember who we really are and those things that are important to us and yet which have become distorted through the creation of limiting mindsets, usually adopted to “protect” us from a particular situation in our earlier life or from relentlessly repeated circumstances recorded in our DNA memory-banks. These adopted mindsets may have caused us to trim our life-cloth somewhat short or treat ourselves (thus our bodies) unkindly for so long we hardly know the difference anymore. Learning to live as wholeness once more is a return to a state of self-love and self-appreciation. A huge part of healing is to realise that our body is absolutely marvellous and is never actually doing anything wrong. When it seems to malfunction, it is only really trying to tell us something which, until now, we have been failing, or refusing, to hear. By the time health issues manifest, it has probably been nudging, then shouting, perhaps now screaming for a long time, Meanwhile, it has formed distorted pattens as a way of adapting to subtly out-of-alignment situations that have repeated and repeated while we have been busy living life with our fingers in our ears. By the time we do sit up and pay attention, there is often a lot of unlearning to be done, both by us and then by our cells!

Yet here’s the key to all recovery: when we lead the way…forming new patterns in our mindset, the body’s cells quickly follow suit. Really, our bodies are an invention of our own mind; we are actually made up of energy and the awareness that is watching over that energetic field. Once we make this partnership conscious, our awareness gets to direct that energy and it is the energy-profile of our body that dictates the way our body is built up from the cellular level to what you experience as your “whole” physical reality every day of your life.  As we gather more of the parts that we want to experience over those that we don’t, we literally rebuild our divine wholeness using physical building-blocks or, you could say, make it manifest within the human form.

How do we do that, what tells us we are off-track? Well, often, we live our lives doing things that we don’t really want to do until the clarion call of illness or other breakdown comes calling over the hillside and it can be such an evolutionary process to take apart all aspects of our previously known world until we find the source of our own misalignment. You may be startled – as I was – to realise that hardly a single aspect of your previous life really worked for you; yet rebuilding your world from scratch can be such a tremendously empowering thing. Spring cleaning all of my life, all my mindsets and belief-systems has been a massive part of my healing-journey and I invite you to open up to that first before rushing off in search of an external cure-all. All healing comes from within; it’s the inner work that generates that first big breakthrough and then the sustained recovery process and these are big topics for this blog.

photo-1467647160393-708009aefd5cThen, more than anything, I find I want to share the experience of living as wholeness since – increasingly – this is what I now experience daily and its far too great to keep quiet about. Do I still have health issues? Well, yes I do (some quite extreme by some people’s standards) but I hardly notice them at all these days because I am just too excited by life to be enticed into putting my focus there very much, unless something out of alignment honestly requires my attention. This is an important distinction to make: the healing route I propose doesn’t mean ignoring the  body, it means listening with a view to taking action whilst, at the same time, not “becoming the issue” or using it to define yourself or your experience. The “health thing” or other challenge is something happening in your field of awareness, not to you (like you are its victim) – and that makes a huge difference since the centred state of wellbeing that you are at your core continues uninterrupted, regardless of life’s ups and downs, since it is not conditional upon outside circumstance.

Perhaps most interesting of all, I find that even the most severe symptoms are not what they might otherwise seem when I no longer label and freak out about them. The degree of flux that I find I have evolved in terms of interpreting sensory experience is quite startling when I look back to even a year or so ago and I feel this is such a remarkable upgrade indicative of a whole new way of being human that we are all starting to experience; one where the old black-and-white labels delivered by our five senses no longer suffice. That well-known tenuous line between excitement and fear, love and hate is one that plays out in the body as an extremely visceral thing and I am increasingly open to allowing that what might initially present as awful discomfort in the human body may actually be the herald of new and incredible sensations that are fear-inducing only as long as we have such cut-and dry “old” ideas as to what constitutes normal experience. Once we open all that to the skies and allow extremes of experience as visceral proof that humanity is evolving so rapidly now that some of the “symptoms” are going to feel very weird or like we are on a plane flying through extreme turbulence as our whole systems start to operate at vastly different frequencies than before, then we start to get excited about what is happened and agree to be up for the ride.

Agreeing to be part of life, to be open to whatever presents itself…undaunted…is a hugely powerful mindset to take on, one that initiates great healing and rapid evolution. No longer contracted by fear-reactions at every new sensation, we send the message to our highest blueprint that we are ready for that upgrade; like pressing “start” on the new-improved software version that is asking to be downloaded onto our hard drive. Hesitation over whether you are sending out that “yes, bring it on” signal or contracting in fear can stall a recovery process unnecessarily for very long periods of time, as I have discovered to my detriment.

I’m most certainly in for that ride now, have never felt more committed or engaged with my human self, or more exhilarated and fundamentally well; for all, by other people’s standards, I still have this “thing” going on with my health (therefore I find it easier not to discuss my body with people outside my close circle and smile benignly if anyone asks). Wholeness is a very different thing to what we are used to experiencing or talking about over the dinner table with others; it includes aspects of everything, even those things that others might label wrong or broken or bad….yet in balance with the extremely high points and the most incredible feelings of synergy, balance and inclusiveness that it delivers, it is in a whole different ballpark to what we have come to regard as ordinary human experience. This is a new version of ordinary, with all the dials turned up, and it is coming everyone’s way…if they want it.

When I look in the mirror, I see a whole different body to just a few months ago and my core strength is so massively increased compared to what I had at the start of the year (or decade). Honestly, no amount of fitness regime or dieting every got my body looking or feeling like this when I was much younger and, at nearly 50, I am finally sustaining the body shape that I always wanted. This is important, not because I deserve a pat on the back for my daily yoga and great diet but because it tells me something is happening very differently in my biology to how it was happening just a year ago. My cells are rebuilding themselves to the outlines of a very different plan to the one they were following before which tells me they are in touch with, and receiving direct instructions from, their highest blueprint now. This is such a massive source of optimism for anyone who thinks they are in the mire with chronic health issues. It reminds them that the body completely rebuilds itself every few months and, as soon as you do the inner work, sort out the stuck mindsets and get in touch with your very highest plans for yourself, taking these giant leaps towards wholeness is not only possible, but you will be quite astounded by the tangible progress you make; I certainly am!

My renewed intention, here in this renamed space, is to share some of the high points, the tips, the clues and whatever happens to come up for me along the way. The new name feels like one very-huge step towards claiming a degree of wholeness that is quite out of this world yet which I intend to help “bring in” to this world through the anecdotal encouragement of my own experiences to help inspire anyone else who happens to drop by.

All of my earlier posts will be kept “live” in the archives as they have all been an essential part of my journey to get here and yet I am already sensing that a fresh-new take on the core material of this blog is ready to start emerging now that I have given it the new-broader space in which to express itself. As ever, I hope to meet you in here.

First things first

yoga-2Yesterday was the first time in months that I didn’t start my day with yoga since, quite literally, I have made this the habit of all habits since about mid-summer rather than the two days on, one day off rhythm that it was before. It happened more-or-less by accident as we had a fridge being delivered very early and had to be ready for the removal of the old one plus the installation of the new so I was up and dressed, standing in my kitchen at an hour when my body was barely functioning. I saw “no point” in starting my yoga practice when the doorbell could go at any moment. The delivery team had been and gone within the hour but, by then, I was so hungry for breakfast that I thought I might pass out….so my day got started and I never got back onto my mat as I like to do it at the start of my day, not in the middle…and so my day felt “off” from there-on-in. I dropped into compulsive habits from the outset, spending far too much time in pursuit of tasks that weren’t my joy and which dominated my morning; becoming more and more frustrated with them all the time. I also noticed my scapula go into painful spasm, for no apparent reason on my dog-walk, something that hadn’t happened for a very long time and my body felt wooden and heavy all day long.

This morning, though we were still expecting a very early delivery (our “new” appliance turned out to be damaged so a replacement was coming out) I got up even earlier than that and went straight to my yoga mat, having learned my lesson. I was so half-asleep that I could hardly see to walk there in my still-dark house yet it felt like a giant bodily sigh of relief when I settled into my routine and I spent an extra long, languorous time going through my paces.

This reminded me of something so intrinsic to how much better I experience my days than, say, a year ago and its this thing where my early morning yoga is non-negotiable. Even on Christmas Day, on the days when we had an early flight to catch, on holidays in hotel rooms with awkward proportions on the floor, on days when I’ve been called to do the school run, woken with a pain or a headache, felt out of sorts (especially then!), when its been especially dark, cold or someone in my family has been having a crisis, I’ve still headed straight to that yoga mat. Come rain or shine and before I eat, think and, preferably, before I talk I go there and shut the door on all but my inner sanctum.

This is THE thing that – I believe – has made all the difference to my life. It centres me, it drops me back into myself, right into the lock-on position of my heart’s core and my energetic root system, connecting my astral travels of the night hours into the handset of the earth energies that gravitate me and become the pathways of choice that make up my days. Like a handset being put back onto its cradle as a means of orienting and recharging itself, this simple routine ensures I have what is needed to sustain myself for the whole of the forthcoming day, however far I need to travel from that charger unit. Above all, this simple priority PUTS...ME…FIRST and makes a declaration to all, including myself, that this is where I reside as an absolute priority in my own life.

So, today, not only do I feel very different to yesterday, like I have been dropped back into my own energy field where, yesterday I felt somewhat mis-aligned from the very outset, I also feel deeply appreciative of the tangible difference. I feel energised and subtly vibed-up in a supremely positive way and deeply intuitive as though plugged-in to all the subtle sensory sockets of my own life. I feel like my most divinely influenced guidance-system has been polished by such a positive start and that I am therefore less inclined to make obsessive or self-defeating choices as the day unfolds. It generally feels like its going to be a good and probably a GREAT day, whatever presents itself…and I literally can’t stop smiling. If this is all it takes, I half-wonder what took me so long and yet I know how persistent that resistance to small things that serve us so well can be when they require some sticking power or tenacity to make them work in our lives…at least to start with. Having experienced the contrast, I know this routine is for keeps now and am so grateful to have discovered the key that its is in the door to my own best experience.

Claim your own mastery

There’s an energetic upsurge happening…and its predicted to be big. I’m talking quite literally in that the geomagnetic forecast predicts that it will be extremely “active” and “stormy” for the remainder of the month, possibly the year. Then I’m also talking circumstantially; we’re all aware what’s playing out on the political stage and in the world at large. And I’m talking, very likely, about what’s happening in your body, mind and emotions right now. So how about a fresh way of looking at all this; one that empowers and reassures you so deeply you feel you can completely trust the way ahead.

As I’ve written about countless times before in this space, I register energetic upsurges in a very physical way and I’ve felt this one happening for two or three days now. As always, it starts first as a sound, an incredibly high-pitched tone “coming in” from the broader universe; and its not a man-made sound or “tinnitus” but the song of our own evolution, which I hear way more loudly than the domestic sounds of my everyday world. This is often followed by light patterns that I start to see pulsing in my peripheral range or behind closed eyelids. Next I notice triggers go off in my body; feel spasms and sharp pains as though my cellular system is being asked to process far more than it is used to handling; so I treat myself kindly and I slow my rhythms right down. I start to notice how a lot of hot pain or intense pressure builds in the area where the spinal column meets the brain and so I use yoga and regular neck movements to stretch and roll out that part of me, to give my spinal cord the space and freedom for energy to move freely and extremely rapidly up and down the whole chakra system.

I’ve got to know the drill of these in-coming waves so well now that I am used to their patterns. By the time the energetic wave is being registered by the spaceweather people, I’m already starting to feel deeply uncomfortable around technology and know to limit it to short bursts or switch off altogether; that surrounding myself in negative ions, eating/drinking as purely as possible and that grounding myself in nature are my friends. This morning, holding a “live” wifi-connected mobile phone is registering as a very strong pulling sensation through my face sweeping from third eye down my cheeks and spinal column to my feet where I’m getting distinct stabbing sensations through the base of my soles as it discharges…and I’m feeling electric current off the keyboard and anything electric I go near. So, guess what, I’ve switched all that off and am writing this “offline” until its ready to post because why would I want to block my own evolution, as catalysed by universal codes that are doing their darndest to communicate with my evolution-poised DNA, by filling my nervous system up with the distracting energetic impulses of these all-pervasive manmade stimulants. The fact my body feels so much better for listening to this intuition is all I need to know about how divinely inspired and self-serving it really is and its nothing to do with living in terror of technology but, rather, using (or not using) it consciously to better serve my highest purpose.

Yet here’s what’s new and long overdue in terms of fully owning it…to others as well as myself. Whatever weird and wonderful experiences I’m having, I’m not fearing it. I’m not buying into any catastrophes around it. I’m not looking to anyone to tell me what is happening, though its always good to find others amongst this first “physical wave” of ascension that know what you’re talking about (remembering that not everyone is on the same page or specialising in this aspect of evolution since we all have different themes we are working on). I’m not apologising to anyone for what I am experiencing; am certainly not embarrassed by it or thinking I am doing anything wrong, failing to “let-go, to “clear my shit” or any of the other “work” that people love to talk about; I’m so done with thinking I have to work on myself.  In fact, I’m not assuming anything is going wrong at all or dashing to the doctors, taking pills or seeking out an endless array of teachers to “save me”. I’m not interpreting this as any one of a zillion popular forms of victimhood that I could label it under or seeing it as a sign of weakness or regression. I KNOW I’m not regressing because I am so clearly evolving….and I know and celebrate this with every fibre of my being.

I’m celebrating that I’m one of that first wave to feel it, to register it arriving, like one of the welcoming party playing fanfares at the very threshold of a new human biological potential being realised. I’m stepping up to my mastery in knowing the ropes of what this is all about because its been my reality for so very long now that I’ve earned my badges; and so I’m owning the skillset that allows me to perceive the unseeable and know it to be as real as anything more concrete or demonstrable in our world (and believe me, science is having to catch up). I’m remembering the subtler skills of a zillion other lifetimes and amalgamating them into one being who perceives deeper levels of what is occurring here so I can bear witness to the upgrade of a species, the subtle nuances of a remarkable transition era that many people have yet to get on board with. And when they do, it will be people like us who reassure them that this is all entirely normal as we shake off the paresthesia of several thousand years and bring our latent extra-sensory abilities back on board.

When you shake off the unnatural stance of smallness and fear and a fundamental belief that you must constantly protect yourself from harm, a posture that never felt quite right to you, it can  register as such immense relief throughout the body. “At last’ your biology declares; “no more pretence at there being anything to be concerned about” and then you step up to the fact you really knew that all along, didn’t you? We are reminded that to attain what we aspire to, we need to step towards it, to meet it half way…and its the mindset of mastery and fundamental optimism that is waiting for us to claim it; so why wait…step up to that plate and own it.

photo-1467514643154-8db60228bb00Just take that moment, pulled back from the maelstrom, and while deeply breathing in the unthinking awareness that informs you that you are securely cradled by all that there is, allow yourself to discover the truth in your heart…that there is nothing going on here to get alarmed about. When you perceive it and allow it to float in, just notice how all those stances of fear and concern were just a play you were acting in, a role you took on to feel part of the consensus, the way people seem to have agreed to act-out the big drama of life on planet earth; like an amateur dramatic performance you took way too seriously. In that place of awareness you know…and find you always knew…there is nothing going wrong here, however “bad” it all seems. Its all playing out perfectly and on cue, and you are a more intrinsic part of it…and far more masterful…than you ever allowed yourself to own before. Your super-power lies…where else but…in doing what you feel most blissfully drawn to do in each moment, however big or small, nothing more and nothing less…and that’s it! That’s how you “change the whole world”, including yours, starting with your health and your unwavering, unconditional, peace of mind.

As more and more people wake up to this degree of consciousness (and they are, in vast numbers; lifting them out of the endless cycles of reactivity), every single facet of human existence starts to alter and upgrade; and this is happening, right now. Learning how to step out of reaction – and how to re-lable the can of whatever circumstance happens to deliver to us, seeking the most masterful and optimistic interpretation – is so key to playing our own incredible part in this. Its how we take back our power; fear only keeps us thinking that we are small and helpless, which is the illusion we signed-up to for the  longest time.

To give ourselves ample credit for where we have been, we have become so expert at making things complicated and oh how we love to play the victim or the student to others who supposedly know “more” than we do; but there’s a whole new level of thrill, acceleration and mastery to be realised in owning and stepping up to our “biggest” least fallible self. When we do this, we recognise how waves of anything are only as threatening as we allow them to be interpreted. Heightened energies – of any apparent origin – can be great for holding onto the coat tails of, creatively speaking (and that especially includes in the “creation of you” as you would most like to realise yourself in this life) but when they originate from the galaxy, they are potent beyond words. Whatever waves you feel coming in, even when they reach “storm level”, I urge you to listen to all your intuitive guidance as to what  you would do better to limit your exposure to while your highest intelligence handles these impulses appropriately, be that wifi technology or the endless fear-mongering of the news. Then just step into those most masterful of shoes of yours and walk it, talk it every day. Prepare to be amazed as you notice how well you start to stride through whatever life happens to presents to you – this is the beginning of your own personal “upgrade”!

To view the impressive geomagnetic forecast of the next few weeks, go to the Tesis website…but only so you can look forward to riding those waves!

You are safe

I was on the mat and about to embark on a new routine that I started this week…but my legs were up in the air and they seemed to want to stay there. The posture was effortless, there was no “try” about it though, once, to hold legs up against gravity would have been more exhausting than I can describe, like holding two trunks of lead-heavy lumber from the bottom and expecting them to stay up in the palms of my hands. Today, they…just…were; as though held up by something external though, of course, I knew that “thing” was me. So then I realised I must have achieved a whole new level of centredness, that the core of me was acting the effortless counterpoise to any challenges or variables of life’s tug and pull. I knew I had found my strength and it was radiating from my root; a place that once seemed to most challenge me by not wanting to be here.

Suddenly the urge to think out the words “you are safe” came over me and so began a mantra. Then I was speaking it out loud, a little hoarse at first but it got stronger and more heartfelt “You are safe…I love you…you are safe…I love you” and I felt it deeply; felt utterly supported at unseen levels like a host of supporters had come gathering around my mat.

photo-1475319122043-5ca9eeceefafHaving made a quantum leap of healing this week, I knew this was all part of it. That leap “happened” when I decided something crucial…that I was ready to be healed now without reservations, that this was it, my new chosen timeline. Since that switch, which I wrote about in my last post, nothing has changed and yet everything has. My body has seemingly fought back with some new “symptoms” that might otherwise have alarmed me but I know they are the death-throe spasms of my dwindling fear for there is no fear to be had in this place. Knowing I am utterly safe is key to it; is the non-negotiable of healing that I always missed or effected the flimsy pretence of without knowing what that looked like fully enough before. There was always an “if” or a “but” lurking somewhere, the naysayer that pulled the rug. In this new place, I see how everything we put ourselves through, the chronic this and the hopeless that, are all just versions of this one same thing…a core weak-at-the-knees belief that we are not safe. When we exchange that one core for this other where safety never ever…ever…ever…leaves us, we find strength in our legs and in everything we do.

From this place of safety I’ve observed some remarkable things already, like the flip side of 2D paper-cutout characters that once held me jaw-dropped in terror; like some of those extreme symptoms I get…they’re not something attacking me, they’re clues of my own evolution. They speak of my biology getting on board with physical changes that we haven’t seen before, that are leading edge and – yes – quite new and a little bit way-out but they don’t mean the end of me…not even nearly. They are the upgrade model of a biology that feels more than some other people do (though vast numbers of us are now going through this reboot) and with a degree of subtly and finer detail that can be alarming in contrast to the extreme numbness of where we have been. Those same subtleties and layers of experience feed my greatest passions, my art, my writing so I could never ask that they be switched off without surrendering all that I came here to be so how can they be wrong or working against me? Yes, “new” is so often scary; but not if we welcome in that “new”which, when you know you are safe, you can do without reserve or condition, armed with excitement and eagerness instead of superstition and foreboding. We had better get used to it – vastly new territory is where we are heading in super-fast leaps and bounds that will utterly astound us and it is people like us, who have tasted it already, who will help reassure and guide those who follow next. This is the role we signed up for, after all and it’s my excitement to feel part of it; that’s where my focus now lies.

So I embrace this newness, embrace anything that tries to flare-up in the puppet-show of symptoms like a parent might smile down at a child with night fears while holding my centre of deep knowing. This old show isn’t over but its long past the interval and people are already reaching for their coats. For now, I find I am couching this thing in new terminology to fit the new timeline I am walking; since I find I must still define it for others if not myself. This is not illness but, rather, I am rebuilding my body – better and stronger; upgraded and evolving – after a decade of unsurprising health foibles following a cathartic event, a necessary break-down, that I chose for my own highest evolution. I chose to tear up the trajectory I was on before, to abruptly stop it in its tracks, in order to choose a completely new one, within the framework of the same lifetime as before. That – itself – was a sign of all the vast newness come knocking at the door, a new option on the table; for me and for the many others who are now choosing this route of swopping trajectories without the need to actively leave their human body. To carry this off, we play with the symbols of breakdown and illness…in order to logically explain what is happening to our own minds and the minds of others who share our experiences and yet, once we know this is the “purpose” of breakdown, it is no longer necessary for us to go through this performance a moment longer than it serves us.

Understanding this is big; allows for deepest awe and appreciation of the self that volunteered to make conscious the choice of anchoring a higher version of self in human form than the one we started out with in this particular body. We rewired ourselves “on the job”, a walking surgeon’s table, in order to have the appropriate hardware to receive this new expression of self; and we worked very hard indeed at the illusion of “mini-death” to make this transition feel real to our minds. Bathed in such awe, I find I am now reaping all the gifts of that rebirth – for it is no exaggeration at all to call it such – and am getting ever more swiftly used to all the rewiring of my new biology whilst helping and encouraging others to do likewise; and it’s a blast. Honestly, I realise, I wouldn’t have it any way…that’s why I chose it, why we all did…so let’s get this show on the road.

When you truly know you are ready to heal…

Its been such an interesting week and I can tell that where yesterday’s post was short and succinct, today’s will be long…but it feels so big and so powerful, perhaps my most powerful yet.

For starters, I followed through a somewhat out-of-character urge to join a forum on a health matter although I long-ago decided these don’t aid recovery because they tend to whip people up into a frenzy and focus upon “what’s wrong” and “still going more wrong” day after day more-so than what’s going right. The very act of “becoming a member” feels like a badge that identifies you with that thing that jointly labels you and then the victim mentality peppered with self-righteous beliefs about who or what circumstance did this thing to you tend to run rife in the conversations of such groups made up of many people…none of which are conducive to the mindset of healing. If there’s one thing I know to be core to all healing, it’s taking full ownership for the circumstance you are in (not pointing blame…there is no blame); and never wavering in the self-belief that recovery is possible and that any delay in that process reflects unfinished business on your own path, nobody else’s. You will experience this inconvenient circumstance for just as long as it serves you to be in it and seeking external redress over doing the inner work will keep you there longest of all…which applies to all of life’s circumstances. That’s not to say its “your fault” or that you can’t discover or do useful things that might also help other people; but there is always a gift in there meant just for you at the far deeper level, something I have found over and over and over again. Once that gift is unwrapped, you invariably find it is time to move on to something a little easier…and you will; but not if you focus on nursing wounds of stuck circumstance.

Knowing all that, I had kept well-away from groups for years yet still, on a knee-jerk, I did it; knowing at some level that if I was suddenly drawn to it now, it must have something to show me. Sure enough, the people I met were a friendly bunch eager to share helpful information yet I still found I was now focussing on “what was wrong with me” for huge portions of my time since the group is fairly active all day long whereas, believe it or not, I tend not to focus on this very often when left to my own devices. So what drew me in, what was I expecting to happen? When I look back, it plays out something like this; I knew I had stuff to share that might be useful to other people in similar circumstances and yet passing traffic, here, is so arbitrary that I am hardly getting an audience. I knew I needed to drop what I know like a parcel into a place where it might be more useful so that I can now let it go; put it behind me, having felt like I did my bit to deliver something helpful…so, was this a sign I was now ready to heal? I also suspected this community held a reciprocal nugget of key information for me…and it did…not least in the way that, like a catalyst, it opened up what I am about to share with you.

I’ve identified many times how I knew I hadn’t been letting myself heal; how something had been repeatedly tripping me up on that final lap just as I caught sight of the finish line, like I felt I still had something to do here, from within the bad dream of physical pain. Twelve years and so many rebirths, so many relapses…always with a logical “excuse” but I knew the real cause of this reluctance to heal fully lay at a much deeper level. It was like I was nurturing a subconscious belief that I was here to help others, to shepherd them all to safety and could only do that from within a problem shared…so back into the burning building I kept going, peering through the smoke for yet another corner to probe. Every time another spanner got thrown into the works of my health, I would resignedly zip up that boiler suit and climbed back in to fish it out…and then write about it…but was this really my joy and how singed was I really prepared to get on behalf of us all? If my joy really was to tackle things this way…from the ground level as it were… then I knew this was tantamount to admitting that I would never recover my health because life would keep throwing spanners for me to go after…and there is an endless supply of spanners!

photo-1473259990169-f6e6a8477bb7What if I already know there is an alternative way of getting my kicks, of being useful to humanity without the burn scars. What if I’m ready for recovery now…can smell it, have tasted it, know how it feels on those summer mornings when I spring out of bed and ride around on all the vigour of having that inner comparison to draw upon, showing me this is now and that was then and I know which one I prefer and want to keep. What if I know that there’s a level where, with a quantum flip of a switch, I can claim this for myself as soon as I’m ready to…

If all of this sounds jumped up and more than a little bit self-important or delusional, consider this; for whom do you stall your own recovery? Who in your world would not know how to handle a new and vigorous you; what decisions have you made on the back of your illness (perhaps huge ones, like giving up a career, selling your house, raiding your savings) that would now look fraudulent or unnecessary in the light of how you would be if this thing was suddenly gone in a nano second. So who do you think you are paying back, with interest, through your suffering? What hobbies, clubs, communities, friendships, routines, lifestyles, identities have you built around being in this club of the chronically unwell? What inner sanctum would you feel you no longer belonged to if you tore up your lifetime, long-service, membership card? Are there family members you long to be close to, perhaps ones that are no longer here, that you would feel less close to (you think) if you did things differently to them? Do you feel like you would be abandoning others to their fate if you got better “without them”? Can you allow that none of this matters…that everything can recalibrate and take on new and wonderful shapes on the back of a recovery that would have everybody clapping and cheering for you, at least at the highest level of their being. Do you fear going back into your old life, a previous career perhaps…rather, can you allow that this thing has changed you so utterly that you don’t have to do that but can actually reinvent from scratch now? That you have earned the right to call your own tune, having been through what you just went through? That the best rope you can throw anyone is to be the example of all they can look forward to themselves, just as soon as they want this enough for themselves to reach out for it? That the future this holds is so unexpected and new that you can’t second guess it and just have to summon the courage to go along for the ride. But, whatever, its got to be better than the predictable plug-hole future of “more” illness, surely.

When I imagine my future it doesn’t hold chronic illness in it…but then it never has. This is what has seen me take such huge strides in relatively quick time over the last decade. When people hear my story and then look at me, I suspect they don’t believe the half of it…but then if I let that bother me I would keep going back to the mark of their expectations of how I should look. I would affect more pain, more limitation without even knowing I was doing this…I know I would…which is why I have chosen to do this thing alone, by and large. By keeping to myself, I’ve kept my path free of weeds on which I could stumble. So, somehow, I knew when I had the impulse to briefly join in with more people, it marked the end of that path; that I was delivering something, perhaps picking something useful up but not stopping for tea.

So I went in there and had all these conversations, sharing what I knew, directing people to my blog, encouraging and enthusing as I do in my other groups where we talk about more uplifting stuff. Some people resonated with what I had to say and we hooked up a little, made some friends. That was my delivery. And then there was that half-expected package waiting for me as though tied with a bow and left with my name on it. Someone quoted from somebody’s book about certain mushrooms being useful to heal myelin and so I asked the right question of Google and came upon Lion’s Mane Mushroom (topic of my last post). I knew straightaway, from the excited feeling in my gut, this wasn’t just information about yet another supplement; the information seemed to glow with its own inner light…not unlike that sea anemone picture I used in my last article. It synchronistically connected in multiple directions with several layers of preoccupation I had been pursuing lately, slotting in like the missing jigsaw piece that I long-ago dropped down the side of the chair and had finally curled my fingers around, poised ready to drop it into the last remaining hole at the centre of the picture I had been building.

After that, it was like I woke up a little and noticed how this forum had very quickly taken over my newsfeed with its updates and not all of them thoughts I wished to pursue; how I was spending most of my time going back in there when I was, otherwise, focussed on writing and painting, enjoying the sunshine in my garden to continue conversation threads that distracted me to the detriment of my own natural flow…and so my amber light turned to red and I pulled back, clicking off “notifications” so that I was now in charge of whether to go in there or not. By now, I knew I had another direction to head in, which required full positivity, no false-starts on the back of other people’s thought processes. There comes a time, in healing, when its down to just you, on your own, calling all the shots…even if you are on a surgeons table surrounded by doctors…and this was mine. I needed that hushed place and I knew I needed to get fully into my positivity, into my creativity, into the sunlight of this glorious Indian summer and into the centre of the vortex of what was being held out as a possible future for me. This autumn has already felt new…like a brand-new trajectory that I am taking compared to all the other round-and-around in circles of this once most challenging of seasons…and I was all buckled up for a brand new flight.

We all love community, even community of family…but there comes a time for asking some pertinent questions. Within that community, was this a place where you could imagine announcing “hey, I think I’m fully recovered now…I’m over that thing” and not receive an “if” or a “but” from anyone? If not then, for a time, in order to heal, you need to distance yourself (if only in the sense of not speaking out-loud to people, not even nearest and dearest, about what you feel is transforming for you) and see what you can do. Or seek out those people who believe, unwaveringly, in your fullest recovery; and, I realise, I have been most adept at finding such people in recent years…but not in health-related communities. At all costs, avoid people who pity you or from whom you would feel good seeking sympathy…ever…as these people won’t help you get to where you are going (compassion is quite a different thing). Don’t risk other people’s wavering, their questioning, the fact that they won’t be on the same page as you or would would seek a logical reason why you think something is about to change. You need no logic, no explanation…when you know you just know but don’t risk the vulnerability of that tenuous tip-off from your highest aspect or the opportunity could be gone before you know it. I knew I had to believe in this transformation one hundred percent, no wavering, wobbling, questioning or making conditional upon outside circumstance and that meant pulling into my own centre where all things are possible, the very vortex of creation when it comes down to the reality I get to experience. It was time to step into my big shoes and make this happen and to iron out any remaining complacency over this. Perhaps the forum had popped up as a test since I had to demonstrate that I wanted to unconditionally heal, hook line and sinker, and not be prepared to have anyone else suggesting to me that it just wasn’t possible or that something else was waiting to pull me down on the other side. Not even a well-meaning person saying “I hope you’re right…” was acceptable to me in this place, it had to be water-tight, the only reality I know…the recovered one…mine.

As far as those “if and but” conditions of external circumstance go, I long ago accepted that external conditions…whatever form they take…are only a reflection of myself like a mirror held up for my highest evolution. Not like a symbol of something I should blame myself for, but of a miss-alignment, a misunderstanding of who I really am, what I’m here to do, some of the things I believe about myself, what I am truly capable of. To make recovery conditional upon external circumstance was the biggest misunderstanding of them all; it reflected back at me that I was small and helpless, a victim…and I knew that was wrong with every cell of my body; that wrong feeling WAS the illness, if I had to nail it. As if to remind me of this, the first morning after a day spent talking on the forum I woke up feeling more symptomatic than I had for probably 8 or 9 months….I had slipped (temporarily) into that smallness and it felt so “off” it hurt profoundly. Life isn’t out to get me, it isn’t my opponent, nor is the world…I don’t believe that at my highest level so why do I role-play that version of life’s lead character. If it helps, imagine your death-bed self and ask that version of you what they know about your reality; would they say “hell, you were set up from the beginning, everything was out to get you, you were given health only to have it taken away and someone somewhere has been enjoying watching you struggle and squirm your way through a miserable life”. I know that’s not what my higher self is seeing…quite the opposite…so why waste another moment believing it or living as if it is so.

This was no raspberry being blown at the idea of community; this one had been a gift…accepted on my own terms without deep diving into its group mentality. Groups can be a great way of pooling information…that part works…but when an individual subjects his or herself to the commonality of a gathering that is made up of those who are – by definition – not happy with their lot, they become the overspill of that attitude, a fragment of that discontent…no longer holding up their own light or, if so, they are now holding it in a wind that would risk snuffing it out at a crucial moment. It’s a paradox that, in spite of challenging health, I have been almost unfailingly happy with my lot on more counts than not; have never lost that spin on life, certainly not for the last five years of my most-accelerated recovery and this mind-set is more precious to me than rubies. As is the understanding that I know that only I can “save” myself and that focussing on that is enough for me to help “save” the world; in an “apply my own oxygen mask first” kind of way, I know (and have asserted in my family life for a long time) that my own wellbeing takes precedent over any willingness to deep-dive into other people’s problems…as should be the rule of thumb to us all. This isn’t selfishness; it’s the most loving act of all, out of which all other transformation flowers to help transform the circumstances of everyone we touch with our experiences. If I could teach the world one solitary tool of transformation, self-love would be that thing and would heal the whole world overnight if it took on; no righteous indignation necessary. Until that day, my best placed effort is to hold this space…perhaps help others hold it too…even if I do that, primarily, on my own rather than in community.

Another gift that came out of the brief dive into the forum was an article shared in there that I reviewed (kind of…) in a post on my other blog entitled “Speaking your truth”. The author of this article felt like a version of me mirrored back at myself in that she had these major health issues going on and spoke about them super-honestly and from a deeply personal angle that, some people raised in conversation, may have lost her some of her audience and a certain amount of credibility. It forced me to consider, do I also alienate my audience in speaking this frankly, this long-windedly and perhaps not all that conventionally about my experiences…and does that make what I say any less worth the saying or, in fact, is it what I am here to do? Is this my particular “swim-against-the-tide gift, my niche? As she did for me (and I loved her post and its honesty…which goes to show there is a perfect audience for everything), am I holding up the corner for others like me that have another spin on things to offer; those of us who provoke a new response on whatever subject of the heart we have taken on?

That being so, have I really “taken on” the illness that never gets better as my big subject of choice for the whole of my writing career or do I have other subjects in me now? Do I have to make this one the work of a lifetime or do I have much more to say on the topic of how I recovered and transformed my world by showing others how I did it? Wouldn’t that make a far better story, forging a new path for those who need any encouragement when it comes to adopting the kind of mindset that gets their stuck wheel out of the mud and rolling freely towards their best possible outcome, transforming their reality? Does that means saying it like it is about the multitude of ways that we get ourselves stuck in the first place, even if that sounds like a critique of the way people self-sabotage and hole themselves up in bunkers built out of an unrelenting spin of fear and victimhood; situations which, if given all our focus, keep delivering more and more evidence of themselves? Does this mean much more to me – ultimately – than great readership numbers, popularity or even many readers at all, so niche is this approach? Am I here expressly to point out what is going right rather than what is going wrong …how out-of-vogue is that…and teaching people how to transform their own reality by focusing on that (as I have)? Is this the life’s work of unfailingly delivering the positive spin that I can imagine smiling about as I draw my last breath, having given it my best shot rather than walking the well-trodden path of fighting everything that ails me? The fire in my belly as I say this tells me “yes, it is”!

Then, here’s a question for you; one I am asking myself – in a scenario where you recover fully, do you fear that no one would believe your story, that all you have been through would be taken away from you? That, six months in, it would be like it never happened and all you would look back and see was a vast nothingness where years of illness once stood, like you had sat around doing nothing all those years? Do you worry your self-esteem will take a knock that only keeping the story of illness going would help buffer you from by delivering the daily justification of why you “can’t” do whatever you aren’t doing with your life? Is there some level where you are proud of what you have been through and don’t want anyone, yourself least of all, to forget about; are these you’re living battle scars that need to be polished daily? To see it like that is to overlook how all the gifts you have taken from the experience are on the inside, like a great stash of potential that only such a hard path walked could ever have distilled into such a concentrated form – you – and that all that that potential only comes to fruition after the deep attachment to the trigger event has been shaken off, like a seed needs to break free of the dark heavy soil to grow shoots and bear fruit. In fact, to bury yourself in the story of what you have been through is to skip a season; to miss the opportunity of this lifetime and remain deep in that soil, a living death…perhaps stored up for another lifetime to take upwards but why not do it here and now, this time around in these weather conditions. What are you waiting for? Believe me, there is no such thing as the perfect weather conditions to risk growth and yet…in ways we hardly fathom…life always comes to meet us with what we most need when we reach half way to meet it!

Were these limiting belief systems the final hooks that kept me pinned down in sight of the citadel of good health; a misbelief that said I would run out of purpose if all was well or would be blighted on the stem like a fruit that had forgotten what it had grown itself for? Is this how we all keep ourselves at arms length from what we say we really want? A fear that there would be nothing to do, nothing to solve, no excitement, no mission, no purpose, no big combat scene taking on the forces of so-called evil that have (within this illusion) kept us down. Are we most afraid of the end of the game? Are we addicted to the camaraderie of shared purpose that adversity throws us as a bone to keep us quiet and preoccupied while the higher potential of our lives goes sailing by?

It can be an incredibly tough assignment to have to sit down and imagine who you would be without the health issues or other challenges that have kept you busy for so long. The very fact of this being so difficult tells you this is long overdue since its entanglement with your identity tells you your identity is all-but held up by it. Even then, without it, you wouldn’t fall down…but yes, in important ways, you would be very different. In other ways…key ways that speak of the transformation that has been running alongside the track of this most-human of journeys…you will be just the same, which is glorious, strong, self-knowing, wise, courageous, loving, deliciously irreverent, unwaveringly optimistic, so funny and so very astute; oh, and so much more…only you probably didn’t notice all these wonderful qualities being grown out of your hardship while your focus was always on what you were dealing with. Without having to know how a future that looks very different would play out, you just have to be prepared to trust it and jump on for the ride…and that willingness tells the universe you are ready. Think of it as a second chance at life; how much would would you wish for such a chance if you were at the very end of yours (because, however bad things may have got, we seldom consider that one until it is right upon us). Keep your focus on the good feelings while your body catches up with this new choice to thrive…and it will…and keep fear out of it. If you really want this, at every level of you, then its your for the taking.

So many unexpected truths tend to surface when you probe this ultimate layer of attachment to a circumstance that has keep you locked down for so long yet it is a rich and fertile soil in which to manifest the next layer of your life; and then you know why you put yourself through it. It requires a degree of honesty, with self and with others, that is open to being misunderstood and your willingness to “go there” is like the signal to the universe that you are ready for transformation now.

A sure sign that you are there on that threshold is that a symbol will appear that will allow your logical mind to process through the stages of something completely new happening without the bafflement of “how on earth…” raising too many questions. This happens more than people know and yet real healing doesn’t so much take place on the operating table or because a new course of treatment is pursued as because that person made the decision to become well again. The ritual of healing provides something for the mind to hold onto; to hold the hand of as it walks through the glowing doorway into another layer of experience. Equally, sometimes, that quantum decision to survive isn’t taken and the hand is let go of; the treatment an unexpected failure. True healing takes place at that level of deciding “I am now healed” and that decision is the key; everything else shape-shifts around it to make it seem feasible.

Such a symbol has appeared to me many times now along the healing path and the last memorable time was two years ago when I had my mercury filling removed. Though this presented as a practical necessity at the time, it was when I was in the dentists chair that I realised how quantum the experience was and how this heavy metal in my head and stored in my cells had become the symbol of something weighing me down and now ready to be let go of. In ways that I equated with a red balloon (as I wrote about at the time), I started seeing red balloons everywhere and their flight to freedom came to represent me and where I was heading to via that upwards step in my healing process; and yes it took me to a new level, but not all the way. Perhaps my balloon got entangled with an electricity pylon since electric symptoms were the next-new-thing to come along…

image_previewTwo years later, my next symbol of healing has arrived and it comes dressed up as a a sea anemone, as written about in my previous post  Repairing your myelin (which you’ll need to read to really understand what I’m talking about). This symbol, much like the balloon, has a childlike lightness to it…a reminder that, to heal, it is necessary to, quite literally, “lighten up” and stop taking ourselves so seriously. The image of the sea anemone that I share in my other post, all lit-up on the inside, reminds me so much of a toy my daughter used to have, an amorphous tendrilly ball – just like a sea-creature – that lit up when you caught it; we had a lot of fun throwing that around the room when she was little. As a symbol of an early version of me – neurological speaking, my early ancestor – I like the concept of the sea anemone; quite beautiful in its lack of complexity, it is a response system and nothing much more than that, really, whilst I am a consciousness and I get to do so much more than just “respond” automatically to my environment yet being reminded that those responses are not all that complex when it comes down to it, that they are still childlike in their simplistic reactions to stimuli, is no bad thing. It puts in place that my autonomic human self is like the child compared to the adult mentality that actually steers the ship; that, as a consciousness that is so much more than “just” a body, I get to choose how much anything affects me…and to choose when I am ready to be well.

So the sea anemone and the lion’s mane mushroom turned up on my horizon, out of this conversation on the forum, and I could see immediately how they could be used as my next symbol of transformation. Within the lion’s mane I find the word ion – a preoccupation of mine these last few posts – and in the root of the word ion I find source meanings such as “pathway”, “the way”, “to walk” and “I go’ and, via the sanskrit word “yoni”, links to “vulva”, “birth” and the divine feminine…all preoccupations that I have discussed at great length in my other blog (“Scattering the Light“) around the subjects of “a return” and a “pathway” that I have sensed I am on; that we have all been on for the longest time. If you are left cold by these wider references, suffice to say the synchronistic layering of meaning around this potential route to healing told me this could be a powerful source of alchemical healing, in my case, if I use it mindfully. The “scientific” potential for lion’s mane mushroom to actively heal the one health foible that, as I understand it, underlies my last bundle of remaining health issues is merely a way for my logical mind to get its head around what I feel is standing on my doorstep asking to be allowed in now, like a sheeny visitor I have been half-expecting to show up any day. I intend to work with this new symbol in a way that my mind can keep apace with…because the mind likes to hook onto routes of healing that can be logically explained away or shared with other people; would rather have those than the kind of spontaneous remissions it never quite trust but which can be the most astonishing and transformative when we allow them in.

Meanwhile, at a whole other level, I intend to unleash the full force of my quantum healing potential using every means at my disposal…and I have a few. If that sounds “way out”, it’s really no different from the methods your reiki practitioner or any other “energy” healer uses while you surrender to nice sounds and sensations only I do this for myself; one of many gifts I have acquired along this marvellously enlightening path I have been on. As for the details; I’ll keep those to myself for now but you can be sure I will be back to share more in the fullness of time. If I’m honest, sharing this kind of information is what brings me infinitely more satisfaction than listing supplements you can take, taking on environmental triggers or regurgitating other people’s research. Its as though I am on the threshold of coming to realise a whole new layer of potential and I find there is no room for my own health issues in that place; that my real strength lies in sharing what has already been transformed (which is all I need to know at this point in time).and that if I want this reality enough, it is already mine. When you join me here, wanting it this much and nothing – no minutest part of you – held back from the healing process, you will know it because it feels like you are holding a self-crafted key that glows in your hand…and not one that anyone else gave to you to “save you” but the one you have been making for yourself all these many months or years of trials and tribulations, of which you have now had your absolute fill. When you have it (and you will know when you do) simply try it out in the keyhole of yourself (perfect fit!) and just turn… then watch your life turn with it and be amazed at what you just did.

** Within ten seconds of typing the last word…my lion’s mane mushroom arrived at the door! **

Repairing your myelin

This post takes the form of a sort of newsflash as I am inspired to follow my gut on a new supplement for myelin sheath repair. As I’ve talked about before, myelin depletion is a key factor to consider if you are hypersensitive to anything and everything (including electricity!), if you experience neuropathy, episodes of blurred vision or acute bouts of brain fog, all very familiar to me. When the myelin sheath is depleted, it can feel like driving along the road on flat tyres and processing information with wires that don’t quite want to connect…I know the feeling well and seem to register it particularly in my head and my stomach; areas susceptible to excitotoxity. Multiple sclerosis, dementia,  Alzheimer’s and certain post-menopausal health issues (and numerous other conditions) are related to this phenomenon.

I woke with that feeling this morning and it got me into reviewing what I know about myelin and what I might be lacking. B12 is absolutely crucial to this…and I admit I had become a bit haphazard about supplementing it lately (the best way is as a sublingual  methylcobalamin supplement). Also vitamin D, omega, lecithin, oestrogen and great antioxidant status are key to myelination. But, with perfect timing, a new kid showed up on my block  – the Lion’s Mane Mushroom – and what I quickly found out about this had me fizzing with excitement, not just because of its track record for rebuilding myelin and reducing electro-sensitivity symptoms but because of the way it looks.

Here’s a great article outlining the potential of lion’s mane to make a difference and there is plenty of other information around.

Lion’s Mane Mushroom

This may be a little abstract for some of you but I keep noticing how nature has this weird and wonderful way of offering us clues to our own healing; often through locational juxtapositions (a cure found growing very close to the trigger “event”) or visual clues….and the bizarre looking lion’s mane mushroom strikingly resembles a sea anemone! I have always tended to visualise the way my nerves react to the environment as looking like a sea anemone reacting to the sea currents, in fact I used a gif of a sea anmone in one of my recent blogs about electro-sensitivity to try and convey this.

Sea Anemone

When I was looking for an image to use for that article, I tripped upon research that has shown we are closely related to the sea anemone – it is our common ancestor – and that our nervous system evolved the same way. This research points at how they offer an important clue as to how our own nervous system and the highly complex signalling systems of our ion channels (electrical impulses in nerve cells that are generated by charged molecules  –  ions  – moving into and out of the cell through highly specialized ion-channel proteins that form openings in the cell membranes) originally evolved and now operate in our twenty-first century human bodies.   When we get to understand this better, perhaps by studying our common ancestor, we also get a little closer to understanding what is happening when this system malfunctions.


I can’t help wondering how sea anemone respond to wifi and other relentless sources of man-generated radiation…

In the meantime, just take a look at these two images and then see what your gut tells you about how Lion’s Mane Mushroom may offer an antidote to the kind of the nerve damage that is so rife in modern times. Combined with some very compelling studies that have now been carried out, I’m going with mine and have already ordered some lions mane supplements to start taking from tomorrow. Will bo-doubt post back when I have any more observations to share!

Relevant reading

Lion’s Mane Musroom – article on Wireless Education website

Complex nerve-cell signaling traced back to common ancestor of humans and sea anemones – Penn State Science article

Lion’s Mane: A Mushroom That Improves Your Memory and Mood? Huffington Post


Related ‘health reunited’ posts

The positive side of negative

Because B12

The oestrogen effect

Living with electro-sensitivity



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