Recently, for the first time in a long while, my nighttime dives into sleep are like walking into a good therapist's office to settle onto the most comfortable couch, only this is no therapist I was ever likely to meet in this lifetime...
Our personal version of alchemy is so often performed without even thinking about it, when lost in those tasks that take us deep into ourselves, into our innate knowing and our joy. So often, we learn to treat such activities as self-indulgent, pointless or plain weird and yet, the paradox is, they often hold he key to our deepest transformation...in other words, they are exactly what we need to be doing right now.
Exploring the extreme softness that offers increased strength, increased resilience, increased GROWTH...as long as we don't rush to label it!
We all need some sort of containment, a reliable edge to our experiences, to enable us feel held and supported in life...and belief systems can do this for the majority of people (to a point). My neurodiverse way seems to have required that I build by own edges from scratch, plucked from a cacophony of sensory experiences and turned into the life supporting routines, rituals and focal points of my life; some distinctly more supportive than others (but getting there). Exploring the need for edges and how to make them better - Asperger's style.
How do we know the difference between when our intuition is speaking to us or when our self-sabotaging fears are stopping us in our tracks? This is an essential lifeskill for self-care and guidance when we venture back into life's busy fray...
Some of us, perhaps especially women, have orchestrated our lives to be loners (sometimes, even in a crowd); a desire that has perhaps been coloured by our early life experiences of being in a group. For a time, this can feel necessary and healing but we should never take for granted that this is the way it has to be forever. The key is to question, do I actually want to be alone all, or most, of the time or have I settled for this due to it feeling like there is no alternative? Are there parts of myself I’m not exploring because of the fact I avoid being in a group context (because of what happened before…) and am I ready now to push my own boundaries and go there, undeterred by stories of the past?
The Earth is something so few of us think of as something we are deeply attached to and yet our planet is the parent from which we are never truly severed, though we do a great deal to wear thin the connection. Like stroppy teenagers, the modern human abuses and tugs at the tie, hardly considering how it will come to value and rely on it in years to come (perhaps, as often happens with our human parents, somewhat too late). The more detached we get, the less we thrive and the deeper the wound inside ourselves grows as we sense our own discordance with the universal pattern of Nature of which we are meant to be part. So what does that look like...and how do we reverse it?
I am picking up on ways that spectrum types seem to connected to an earlier permeation of human being that lived much more closely amongst animals and in Nature, and even with animal themselves (since those early people did not feel the same disconnect with other species that modern humans do) rather than to the currently dominant neurotypical strain of human that has largely disconnected from Nature. In our extrasensory abilities, as in an ability to sense many things that we can’t "just" pick up with our conventional five senses (to the exactingly detailed standards we prefer...), our ability to preview how something will feel in advance by tuning into the experiences of others, plus our trends of mixing up and crossing over those senses, as in the way of synesthesia, and of using visual images as memory and information rather than “ideas”, I sense this link. In the way our bodies seem to connect with and respond to circadian and other natural cycles more than most people, I sense that link. In my case, the way I work, quite compulsively and intuitively, with symbology and complex metaphor feels as though it harks back to an earlier format of human that lived deeply immersed in Nature and took all sources of data, logical or otherwise, as clues leading towards a fuller sense of meaning. In our joined-up way of processing, and our deep frustration with systems built to serve social ideas of human behaviour, prescribed largely to serve ideas of lack, profit and control (but which make no sense in the broadest sense or supporting life for all and which fail to take care of the “bigger picture”of our world) I feel like some sort of honorary member of the animal kingdom shaking their head in dismay at the way the world has been turned over for personal gain. Yet, to seem more neuroptypical, in order to blend in and survive, as we saw it, we may have traded off our profound connection with the body and its senses to focus on our heads...
How do Aspie women compensate for their weak spots; do they, perhaps, make the very specialism of them? Shining a light on this newly realised paradox in my own life in case it illuminates a trend in how Asperger women cope with a world that demands so much that is quite alien of them.
What is maturity anyway; what constitutes adult behaviour...and who says so. This isn't a rebellion manifesto; its autism, the way it is already wired so how does that look as a parent or a child (and both put together)? Here's celebrating its many plus points from a personal perspective.