The positives of finding out you are autistic (if you are)

Before you realise you are autistic (if you are), all you tend to know is the outline of your autistic self, as in, the shape that is left where you don’t fit in with other people’s experiences. It’s a bit like drawing a portrait of someone by filling in the background and leaving a space where the person is standing; what they call a negative space composition, in art terms. You get to know what you aren’t…but not what you are. Such an approach tells you a lot about all the misfitting bits but nothing much about yourself and that, in itself, can be a source of ongoing trauma because it can leave you feeling like a blank. Finding out you are autistic begins a process of filling in all the blanks and getting to know who you actually are.

The sustained traumatising effect of trying to lead a “normal” sensory life with a neurodivergent nervous system

I do believe that constantly drip-fed overstimulation traumatises those of us without appropriate filters and barriers to cope with sensory experiences that are not designed to accommodate neurodivergence and in such a way that compounds with time, affecting us in ways that other people can’t even begin to imagine as they’re simply not having the same experience as us. Quite literally, the only thing we have in common with the majority of people who are apparently dealing with the exact same situations as us is that we’re physically in the same space…because the way we experience that space is a whole other matter. We can try to explain (with variable degrees of success) but we can never take them there with us so they understand! Until we give this effect the most appropriate name, trauma, we don’t deal with it appropriately either…because we just keep on sucking it up and wondering why we struggle and burn out so often and in so many apparently unusual or creative ways. Yet in the case of any other trauma we would work much harder to notice when it was happening, to put a stop to it and heal from it…but how do you heal from something that is relentless and ongoing, which you have to expose yourself to in order to be part of anything in life that has something to do with being around other people or in the world as it has been made to be, which is highly overstimulating and often too much for our differently wired systems?

Neurodivergent behaviours as seen even more clearly under pressure

I now see how the bizarre dance that some of my more contradictory-seeming neurodivergent traits do together "hots up" at times of extreme emotional or circumstantial stress. Yet its at times like these that its even more important for me to keep them working together...

The pitfalls of identification with a label and the power of positivity

Labels can be so useful, for identifying, explaining, pooling information, finding things out...but they also come with pitfalls. Exploring how to use them (with caution) and also the power of positivity as a tool for breaking out of any boxes.

Places that deplete

As an autistic person, some places instantly deplete me like I have taken a chemical bath or eaten something off my allergy list…the effect is that instantaneous. Exploring the importance of place as a primary factor in sensory processing and other aspects of neurodivergence.

No sleep (a middle aged female angle)

Middle of the night thinking-aloud about the links between insomnia, autism, oxalates, vulvodynia and interstitial cystitis, chronic pain, environmental sensitivities, low to borderline thiamine B1 levels and feeling like you want to jump out of your skin!

The peaks and the perils of hyperfocus: a seasonal perspective

Exploring the trials and tribulations of Christmas as an autistic-ADHD adult prone to hyperfocus; and how this one trait alone can be the source of stress and burnout, yet still so much you can do better, including self-compassion, once you realise and work with the trait.

Low air pressure = increased body pressure and chronic pain

Exploring some of the links I have personally made between low barometric pressure and increased pain (also ADHD, intensity and sensitivity). Considering a non-linear approach to all of these areas (how linear are your symptoms, really), do changes in air pressure play a part?

Misophonia…another “oh, that’s just my autism” moment

Turns out I am one of probably thousands of people who been profoundly affected by misophonia all of my life and yet didn't know what it was and could never put a name to it (or quite dispel some of the shame of it)...until I began to research the effects of autism more and more by listening to other women's real-life stories. Sharing in case this is any of you too.