Asperger's can be challenging for any woman; and parenting a child with more typical needs than your own can place those challenges right under a microscope...but you both stand to gain such a lot, in the long run, as I am now discovering. Examining some classic Aspie traits in the light of motherhood...
Women who discover they have Asperger’s in their mid-life, having wandered around feeling as mystified as I have about their “different” traits all their lives, are burgeoning with the desire to take ownership of their newly labelled state; to explore themselves through new eyes and see where this uniqueness is leading. They don’t feel more broken as a result of this diagnosis; rather they feel more whole as the pieces fall together. Its like living life in reverse!
Imagine going through life at cross-purposes with most of the people around you...not because you are broken but because you are different to a degree you didn't realise until now. Plunging the challenging world of neurodiverse relationships from personal experience, from some books I can recommend and from the perspective of some fresh new approaches to autism that are (thankfully) starting to appear.
Like a penny dropping, those last moments that I spent with my mother and the stuck state in my health suddenly clicked together in my mind. Realising the importance of touch in all of our lives, even (perhaps especially) those on the autism spectrum...
Why do we long for diagnosis, for validation, for something so fixed to get a grip on and is it always such a great idea? What happens when we court the softer possibilities, a nonlinear or quantum approach...or mix this up with a plan of action that leaves room for both? A personal review of these topics from a fibromyalgia perspective.
When we open our minds to the fact we have access to experiences we can't always explain with logic, we realise we are the early warning system to ourselves. Above all, when we allow ourselves, we just know what we know...with every instinct in our body and soul and this is our gift; albeit it a typically double-edged one...(read on).
The propensity to teach ourselves new skills and prefer to do things our own way from the outset is, I suspect, a trait of high-functioning autism. It makes us into mavericks, it sometimes increases what looks like our failure or non-completion rate and it frustrates the hell out of partners when we prefer to construct things "out of the box" without first consulting the instruction leaflet. However, it also makes us movers and shakers when it comes to making paradigm leaps...a much needed skillset at this point in time.