Have you ever come across the phrase “Recognition Responsive Euphoria” in the context of ADHD? I’m hearing it mentioned just a little more often these days, thankfully, but its still not talked about nearly enough, compared to the oft described “Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria” (RSD) that has become almost synonymous with ADHD.

Recognition Responsive Euphoria (RRE) is a phrase coined by Dr Edward Hallowell to describe the sister syndrome to RSD that results in soaring peaks of positivity and euphoria in so many people with ADHD (himself included), thus I first came across it when I read his book ADHD 2.0 during that information-hungry phase when I really couldn’t get enough of gathering (virtually inhaling!) ADHD lived experiences, right after my diagnosis. His description instantly resonated with me because, surely, here in a nutshell was one of the primary drivers of my life!

As Hallowell explains in an article on the topic “Perhaps because people who have untreated ADHD are so accustomed to making mistakes and receiving criticism, they become positively giddy when they receive positive recognition. The best way to get them charged up and motivated is to praise—legitimately, honestly—some element of a project they’re working on. Compliment an outfit they’re wearing, or praise a proposal they’re developing or an idea they’re hatching.” Its as though the smallest gesture of positive feedback can power this feeling of euphoria which, in turn, feeds back into such unexpected achievements and renewed enthusiasm from the person in question that they sometimes astonish those that witness the transformative effect, especially if that person (me as a child!) is usually quite withdrawn or lacking in confidence. From the inside, it’s as though the praise sends a “zap” of positive chemicals through the brain, completely flooding the whole system, utterly transforming everything you feel about a situation and only making you more determined to repeat the experience again, if at all possible (assuming it wasn’t the utter rarity in a life generally characterised by feeling unseen or not appreciated/understood).

I can certainly recall, even as a very young child, that even the slightest amount of praise would ignite me into such passion to do more of the same thing that had just garnered me that positive reaction that I could quickly become obsessional with it. My dad, in particular, would praise and encourage everything I did creatively, so much so that I would live for the moment when he got home from work, when I could finally show him my latest handiwork (usually drawings of birds when I was a pre-schooler…which he would eagerly take into work the next day to laminate for posterity, no matter how small or repetitious they were). These moments of showing him my efforts, the sheer high I would get from his positive feedback, would fuel my passion for drawing and creating so much that there was never a more driven child with these kinds of activities (always these things preferred over playing with other kids or watching TV) hence I became an extremely handy “artistic” kid from a very young age.

This same motivator soon turned into the drive I applied to all of my school work, especially my solo projects and stories (especially under the influence of one particular primary school teacher who encouraged me so much with my creative writing, when I was 10-11, that it turned my unhappy experience of school right around) and then into my frenzy to do well and pass exams at secondary school. I guess I was lucky to always feel that I had my parents behind me and because I happened to cross paths with one or two teachers who made that all-important difference, though others would often knock the stuffing out of me. When I look back, the difference between me and my friends was that I was so deeply affected by one or the other, always in highly-responsive mode to either praise or criticism, like living on both ends of a see-saw and mostly not the good end, and so easily unsteadied by the merest hint of negativity whereas, to them, it was more often water off a duck’s back!

I appreciate that doing well at schoolwork and passing exams with aplomb don’t always walk side by side with ADHD but, in my case this hunger for positive feedback from my parents and, later, from teachers really worked for me, at least during the school years. I then found it much harder at university and beyond into work because praise or encouraging feedback was so seldom forthcoming after that, which is where I began to flounder, as everything I did now lacked benchmarks or sense of progression (as a perfectionist I relied on motivating myself through constant sense of improvement) and there was certainly no joy to be derived from the lack-lustre responses of work colleagues to my efforts. The thing is, none of this was to do with having an ego the size of a planet…on the contrary, it was a hunger for basic recognition, validation and reassurance born of the fact that, so much of the time, I was painfully lacking in all of these things, especially once I was out of the education system where at least my good grades garnered some positive feedback. For another ADHD child, with less interest in school, it could be praise of their efforts in a completely different quarter to school work that could make all the difference to them, transforming what they do next and with far-reaching outcomes that could impact the rest of their lives. The thing is, as is common with neurodivergence, everything for us is generally interest led; we seldom do well when forced to do something we have no interest in at all but, in whatever activity we are naturally inclined towards, there is always positive power to be harnessed because praise in that domain could be the very thing we most need to encourage us to become our very best, most motivated and ingenious, selves.

In fact I want to add that when life itself seems to encourage, as opposed to feeling stashed against us (since a great deal of it was clearly not devised to make the most of neurodivergent strengths but, rather, as though to make a tripping point of our weaker areas) this too can have the effect of igniting us to new heights of joyous achievement. When things finally go right for us instead of endlessly going wrong, the euphoria can be intense…if sometimes all too short lived!

When raising my daughter, I noticed the same trend…this absolute hunger for, or a sort of dependence upon, constant reassurance, positive feedback and praise..though the penny didn’t finally drop until we both realised our ADHD many years later. She too thrived, in fact veritably bloomed, where praise and encouragement was a-plenty (one of the reasons we moved her from the state school where she was often criticised, misunderstood and even ignored because of her quirks, to a small independent school where she was quickly offered the kind of appreciation for her particular gifts that every child deserves). Within a few months, she went from cowering in a corner to singing and even performing lead rolls to large audiences, winning prizes for singing at county level, and her school work and art went from strength to strength with similar encouragement…all in spite of the fact that, like me, her personal traits were always out of the ordinary compared to her peers. At home, times when I encouraged her and offered praise would result in a kind of super-human effort arising out of her whereas the merest suggestion of criticism could fatally crush her for days or even weeks.

She, too, has struggled so much more in the higher educational system due to a systemic lack of this kind of positive feedback once you reach degree level institutions, though she thankfully received a great deal of it from her first long-term employers which, again, saw her strive and thrive to an unprecedented degree compared to other places she had worked in the past where the encouraging feedback was minimal or non-existent. Now she knows about her neurodivergent traits, it will be somewhat easier for her to navigate her career choices, fully armed with the knowledge that she actively requires this kind of positive feedback (something that not all work settings provide and which is much more likely within a small company ethos), something I didn’t realise about myself until it was far too late as the criticism culture of my last corporate job had already done its worst with me!

In other words, self-knowledge is power when it comes to possessing these traits of ADHD because it allows you to better navigate the danger spots and aim for situations where you are more likely to get the kind of reception and feedback that works for you. Unlike RSD, which can become a very unhealthy state of affairs, there is very little that is negative about RRE…unless it is misconstrued by people that regard the person in question as rather desperate or needy (rather than identifying it as a common ADHD trait; which relies upon more conversations like this one taking place, in order to spread the news). Unfortunately, we still live in a culture where “too much praise” is often deemed to be bad for a person’s character; an unfortunate hangover from religious dogma and many cultures, such as my own in the UK, can also be quite reserved when it comes do dolling out encouragement. However, this thing that means those of us with it are, basically, hungry for positive feedback and will only ever deliver more positivity in response to it is not harmful in any way unless open to abuse by those who play on it for their own ends. An excessive amount of people pleasing can be the shadow side of this otherwise positive trait, which I would say tends to result most often when the person in question is receiving so little positive feedback in their life that they become ever more desperate for it!

So why is it that neuodiverse wiring seems to require so much positive feedback and reassurance to function at its best, not just enough of a thumbs-up to know you are “basically doing OK” or the kind of feedback that uses the omission of criticism as an unspoken clue that you are on the right track but sufficient praise and encouragement to really act as a primary driver through life? This inbuilt propensity to experience such soaring heights of joy and excitement that it really is extremely hard to explain the magnitude of these transformative sensations to anyone that isn’t quite so motivated by other people’s feedback seems to be a key trait in a lot of cases, from what I am reading and hearing from other ADHD adults on podcasts. Is it all because we are so prone to rejection sensitivity dysphoria that anything, at all, that lifts us out of that near constant state of feeling rejected or self-doubting serves as a powerful contrast, the flip side to our challenging lives, that we really need to drag us out of our hole? Is it the delirium of, finally, feeling like we fit in and are getting something right??

I know that my hunger for this kind of feedback continues, though I haven’t worked for an employer for years (one main reason for this, looking back, being that I could no longer cope with so much criticism and the extremely rare praise of every work environment I have ever been in), manifesting these days as my relationship with activities such as blogging or using social media. I really need that positive feedback, I hunger for it, almost as proof of life…because, without it, I feel as though I really am the invisible, misfitting nonentity that never quite made enough friends, made the grade or got accepted into “normal” social circles or work dynamics the way I would have liked. I feel like all my extra hard efforts in life, bearing in mind I put a lot of passion and energy into everything I do, is for nought without the occasional carrot of encouragement thrown my way and the very absence of a warm response can then start to feel like a silent criticism or rejection in a way that activates my RSD. Especially where my creative output…my art, my writing…is concerned, I can still reach such heady heights of euphoria and feelings of joyous wellbeing from a single positive comment or sign that my stats are on the steady rise that it can serve as the most effective painkiller in the world on a struggly health day or motivate me well into my next flurry of painting or writing, fuelling me with even more determination than ever to do well or give my best at whatever I happen to be turning my hand to. Without it, I feel somewhat soul-starved by the lack of positive connection with others and can barely garner the energy to do anything at all.

Looking back, I see that (in spite of the long neurodiverse struggle, made harder because I had absolutely no idea I was any different to anyone else, leading to all kinds of distorted conclusions about why I didn’t fit in) there have been times when I have applied super-human effort and achieved some really monumental heights of success and these have all been at times when I have felt most appreciated. There is simply no stopping me when that positive feedback is forthcoming and this is something Dr Hallowell talks about a lot. As he says about ADHD folk, of any age (same article as before) “one of the best ways to get them going in a good direction, in spite of all the negativity they have to contend with, is to find something positive in what they are doing and notice it.  Go for it.  You will quickly see eyes light up, and the person swing into action like a whirling dervish of positive energy”. That whirling dervish has most certainly been me at all the most appreciated and encouraged times in my life!

In fact, this one thing, over the course of my life, has served as a powerful foil to the fact that I often lack sticking power and am so very prone to flitting from interest to interest without finishing what I started (classic ADHD traits); point in case, I got so completely distracted from this blog a few hours ago that I completely forgot to finish it, out of sight out of mind, until I came to close down some of the dozens of open tabs on my computer at the end of the day!

In a sense, RRE has saved me from being the complete drop-out or daydreamy underachiever I could so easily could have become, at least during the years when it really mattered, so that I could complete my education and make a stab at earning an income (though I haven’t done so well on that one for the past couple of decades…). There was one particular history teacher, when I was about 14, who lavished me with praise and told me I had an exceptional gift for the subject. Rather than turning me into an egocentric monster or the kid who felt they no longer had to try, this fuelled such a passion in me to live up to or even exceed his expectations that I became utterly lit up for the subject, and not only impassioned for history but all my academic subjects in general so that I wasn’t seen to let his view of me (which he shared liberally in the staffroom) down. When I look back, that one source of encouragement was exactly what got me through all of my school exams (even after I moved to a different school at 16, I was still in touch with that teacher and quite determined to keep my flag flying) and then going on to university when other teachers thought it more appropriate for me to go out and get a bog-standard job. He had my back and I wanted, so desperately, to show some of the naysayers wrong because of that!

Super-human is the phrase I keep wanting to apply to this propensity for someone with ADHD to turn all that apparently erratic energy around and reapply it to striving, thriving and making good things happen. The equivalent amount of energy that is so often depicted as causing chaos or resulting in self-destructive habits can be harnessed, turned around and reapplied in order to allow them to soar to great heights or transform before your very eyes…but only if such positivity and encouragement is ever offered to the person in question instead of the constant trickle of criticism or making them feel as though they fall short. Once I realised this, as a parent, I used it to great advantage as part of my own parenting “kit” but I only wish it was more widely known about, and utilised, by educators, employers and anyone having anything to do with ADHD family members, pupils, friends, colleagues or staff because it could make such a difference, for everyone concerned. We are not fishing for glorification or empty complements, we are simply trying to feel part of something and alive in ways that are not so easy for us to achieve in the first place; the need is so fundamental that it’s like gasping for air.

All of this feels just so related to the constant hunger for dopamine that is so widely discussed in an ADHD context and, here again, it’s all too easy to focus on the negatives…such as a trend towards destructive addictive habits to feed that need. However, there are just so many natural sources of dopamine to be found and a person who feels encouraged, supported and who is generally thriving and feeling positive about themselves is much more likely to focus on them, rather than the negative kind such drugs or alcohol, consumerism, too much computer time or chasing after the next quick fix. Example positive sources of dopamine to get “addicted” to include experiencing new places and things, living in the moment, enjoying good food, appreciating and spending time in nature, giving back or helping other people, being kind and friendly to strangers, listening to music, soaking up sunshine, working on personal growth, loving people around you, pursuing hobbies and passions, moving the body with exercise and dancing and getting good sleep. I’ve lately been focussing on all of these things, much more so than ever before, and can report that they have proved to be the very best sources of dopamine I have ever found (and I never underestimate the power of any of them anymore). This year, in spite of a lot of challenging circumstances, I have really turned my life around in some hugely positive ways and a big reason for that is that I now take my ADHD requirements for plenty of positive stimulation (as I have written about lately) into full consideration.

Again, what this seems to suggest to me is that whilst there is a strong natural urge to be positive in all of us, this is often present to a super-powered degree in the average ADHD person, perhaps  because everything we do “goes large”, if you know what I mean. However, this tendency towards positivity does start to get driven underground by the long-hard experience of not being received so very warmly for being “just the way we are” over time. That’s not to say that the trait isn’t sill lurking there, just waiting to flower in the warmth of somebody’s positive reception to us and, when that moment happens, we can quickly bloom into something quite radiant at a moment’s notice; it really is that simple and effective!

In fact, there’s so much to celebrate here: neurodiverse people are so often driven by positivity and encouraging feedback, by passion and interest, by honesty and sense of fairness, by activities that stimulate joy…what’s not to be liked and encouraged in all that? Why aren’t we being received more warmly than we often are?

Because, in proportion to just how struggly we can be, we can also be the high-flyers, the dynamo battery of such positive energy that it infects other people around us with incredible amounts of enthusiasm and joy. Once we get going with our passions, we can ignite such optimism and energy into a situation that it’s a crime to let all this flounder because of the continued misunderstanding (and stigmatisation) of some of our traits. When we long for positive feedback and praise, its not to feed an out-of-control ego or because we are so desperately codependent (if anything, we are the epitome of stubbornly independent, autonomous types who insist on doing things to our own particular timescales and in our own merry way) but because we really need encouragement, recognition and positive reception to keep us going through all the hard stuff (blame brain chemistry for that if you like; not just low dopamine but potentially low endorphins and serotonin too). Its not because of some desperate character flaw but because of the particular way we are wired combined with, I think, the fact that we spend our whole lives navigating a life-scape that was categorically not designed for our way of experiencing things, our personal and sensory preferences or innate abilities, meaning that any smallest degree of positive feedback we can get, from anyone or anywhere, really helps us to know how well we are doing and to give purpose or sense of belonging in this highly perplexing business called life.