As an autistic person, some places instantly deplete me like I have taken a chemical bath or eaten something off my allergy list…the effect is that instantaneous. Exploring the importance of place as a primary factor in sensory processing and other aspects of neurodivergence.
So many of us feel like we are waiting for the other shoe to drop, breath held, with forces beyond our control seemingly holding all sway over our lives. All the more important, then, to corner some area of your life where you get to exercise the muscle of influencing things that feel creative and positive, whether this is a literal act of creation (and I don’t just mean art) or making decisions, taking actions, putting things in the diary that will help sculpt a better feeling about life, for yourself and others.
An unusually busy phase has blown some theories I once held about neurodivergent traits and chronic illness out of the water or reframed them in a new light. Exploring the link between needing to keep busy, pain perception, sensory sensitivity and chronic fatigue.
Middle of the night thinking-aloud about the links between insomnia, autism, oxalates, vulvodynia and interstitial cystitis, chronic pain, environmental sensitivities, low to borderline thiamine B1 levels and feeling like you want to jump out of your skin!
Longing to find "your place" in the world, to reclaim your energy from the need to mask, to set parameters around exposures to sensory, social and other factors that detract from quality of life and to be fully unapologetically autistically yourself. What would your best post-burnout autistic life look like and how good would it make you feel?
A combination of having a blind spot when it comes to your own emotions (alexithymia) and a lifetime of fear around unleashing strong emotions.not to mention the stockpile of anger, frustration and trauma from all the difficult years before diagnosis, can conspire to push strong emotions deep into the body. Exploring how autistic challenges such as these could manifest as chronic illness and especially chronic pain.
What you or I need to recover our health, to maintain it and truly thrive may be completely different, even polar opposite to what someone else needs. Considering the potential relationship between ADHD and a chronic (as in, long perpetuated) state of poor health.
Burnout or even trauma can be a very real risk if you are autistic and find social engagement really challenging or have poor track record; however, it can also be a highly positive "stim" from which you may get far more positive effects than you know. How to reconcile this two pony team, and the completely different directions they pull in, can be a lifelong conundrum if you happen to be both autistic and ADHD but getting it right can potentially lead to far better health and a vastly improved quality of life.
Being on the spectrum doesn’t mean one person lives at a high functioning end and some other autistic person lives somewhere in the middle or at the bottom. It means we are all a range, within ourselves, and some of those highs can mask the lows (a primary reason for missed diagnosis). One trait alone can overcompensate for several shortfalls and mean adults are so blinded by your ability they don’t accommodate or even see your considerable struggles. You then exhaust yourself by overcompensating for, or masking, your own struggles for years, burning yourself out by having to work twice as hard as everyone else just to get by or meet high expectations set by others which you took on at face value. Suddenly, you are hit between the eyes by the pathos of this…you were never really that person they thought you were, which you took on at face value, but rather this other person with such a wide mixture of gifts and challenges they almost seem to cancel you out.
Learning to live with any of the syndromes (CFS, POTs, fibro, CSS, EDS, MCAS, to name but a few) can be incredibly tough. From dealing with doubters and denial, discrimination, misunderstanding, thoughtlessness, rejection, loneliness, fear, self-doubt and all the other rigours of long term chronic illness, this post takes a look at it all.
Living whole 