How much do epigenetic components, mere accidents of circumstance, parenting styles, and other peoples expectations feed into chronic states of health, not least when you are autistic and have been entrained, all your life, to adhere to behaviours that fail to meet the preferences, abilities or sensitivities of your neurotype? Is chronic illness a form of demand avoidance that takes shape in the autistic body when it refuses to continue being ignored as before?
Nurodivergents and neurotypicals are sometimes poles apart in their communication styles but imagine if we could just try to meet on some common ground whilst accepting those differences (that last part is key…nobody should be required to change themselves). Isn’t this exactly where the best hopes of humanity lie, as in, meeting across the so-called impossible divide?
Getting to know yourself is, in my opinon, the single most important thing you ever get to do in your life...and its often a golden key to all those other unfathomables that may be "going on", such as persistent health issues. Above all, depathologising the way you were made is an essential step to discovering the sense of wholeness and peace in your life that may have so far eluded you.
Women who discover they have Asperger’s in their mid-life, having wandered around feeling as mystified as I have about their “different” traits all their lives, are burgeoning with the desire to take ownership of their newly labelled state; to explore themselves through new eyes and see where this uniqueness is leading. They don’t feel more broken as a result of this diagnosis; rather they feel more whole as the pieces fall together. Its like living life in reverse!
It takes a particular kind of courage and determination to be a pioneer of a whole other way of thinking that is helping to form the cracks of light into a the transformed reality that this world so badly needs. In all cases across history, it is the contrary thinking, the new and the challenging that springs the leak on a world that feels "stuck" in its ways. Face it, you've done some of your profoundest inner-work in that time alone feeling so marginalised and perhaps its time to share those gifts around to others like you who would welcome the helping hand. All those years spent like a fish swimming tirelessly upstream will be rewarded in full by the magnificently liberated perspective you get to enjoy in the middle of your life rather than at its very end (in place of the sudden "crack" in the ice that is the classic mid-life crisis), as I am now discovering for myself. And forging new territory is always going to mean you are the one breaking news, peddling viewpoints that are foreign, saying things that no one is used to hearing, provoking those uncomfortable thoughts, suggesting the unsuggestible, seeming all a bit too eccentric for a lot of people's taste. Probably, you feel like it is taking every ounce of your stamina to keep giving like you do and yet no one seems to want to accept the precious gifts that you bring to this world since, being so new as to lack definition, most people often don't (yet...) know what to make of them. You might still feel (though you are pretty used to it by now) that you are the one that people roll their eyes at or sidle away from at the social gatherings; even before you've said a word since people can sense your dissenter energy as soon as you enter a room. So you have a choice; you conform (or you try to, probably making a complete hash of it) and you make yourself ill with the untruth of how you are delivering yourself to the world, or you own it and value the "you" that has this amount of courage, stamina and self-worth. You thank yourself in advance for being part of the movement towards what the world needs more of in order to question the status quo and evolve. You find your tribe (doesn't matter if they are down the street or across the other side of the planet) and you forge deep and mutually transformative friendships with those people, until you appreciate all that you are SO thoroughly, so deeply and without reservation that you wouldn't give yourself up for all the tea in china.