Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is debilitating, devastating, isolating and often quite unbearable and yet nobody that has not experienced it for themselves can imagine what it truly feels like on the inside; there is no point of reference for anyone that isn't wired that way since it is the product of particular genetics plus epigenetics combined with a lifetime of trauma. As a common experience of both autism and ADHD and something I experience myself, this important topic has been on my list of most daunting things to cover for quite some time...here goes.
When we subscribe to the belief that we are ugly compared to others, especially when it is delivered to us by other people (and it can be very subtle, but it all comes from the same place of power-play…). it is all one very manipulative case of “smoke and mirrors”. We are being duped…and it makes us into targets for more of the same. When I fell for those lies, I manifested it, and now I don’t, it’s not even a factor in my life. Rather, it’s been a tender plunge into the most supportive relationship I could ever imagine, to love and appreciate all my unique qualities and stand up for them, in all their differences and similarities; a whole mixed bag of traits that makes me who I am. This is as it is meant to be, in spite of the prevailing culture that tries to dictate “conform at all costs”, as is so loudly delivered through life’s tannoy by mainstream media.
The legacy of childhood stress can be far longer-lasting for some personality types than others; thus getting to know your type can be like a key to the door ready to unlock the gift of that stress. It may even help launch you into a whole other paradigm…
The era for bullying is coming to an end…I do strongly sense that…and the “me too” movement is just the birthing pangs of a new era in which we have all “been there, done that” and can get over ourselves by becoming a living expression of self-love. I feel I can say this precisely because I have been through the territory...knee deep in it...and self-love was the launch point for me - it altered everything! This post marks a completion of sorts, inspired by an inspirational video that I happened upon yesterday which (like so many things being shared publically these days) really struck a chord. This is good. The more we catalyse each other to release, the less we hold these old traumas in the body (and I can tell you all about that too) so my deepest gratutitide to Rachel Farnsworth for sharing her story; here's mine...
What gets us hot under the collar; how do we work with that flame to transmute circumstances that feel "off" to us and without scalding ourselves and others?
By getting to know what all versions of these triggers are in their very core essence.
For me it is injustice and a sense of being made an "under-dog", in all its forms, that sets me off; felt keenly on behalf of anyone being treated thus, hotly for all women, painfully for anyone amongst my family or friends, excruciatingly when it's on behalf of my daughter, self-destructively when its anything to do with me since that version feels like the very inflammation in my cells that becomes PAIN and crashing health. Even now that inflammation is all-but gone from my daily experience, a circumstantial trigger can switch it back on in an instant so I know its time I got to work on this final bastion of my healing...by tackling the very triggers themselves; but how since I can't single-handedly change the ways of the world?
Big questions and lots of new thoughts in this week's fiery blog. What I realised today is a whole deeper level of what I have been realising more and more on this topic and feels so on-time for where we are getting to in the tranformation of ourselves in tandem with the joint transformation of our world.
The subtlest sensory cues may be the prompts that repeatedly set old feelings in motion again…but if you can shine some light on their source, and send some love and understanding back to the “you” of those times, great healing can be the result. As well as seeing that original event in all its glory - appreciating what the “you” of back then was subjected to and what they survived (which can bring massive healing all on its own), you could perhaps strive to make the current “offending” circumstances very different to the ones that hold the original wound since you know now what you are dealing with and what renews that sense of unspeakable discomfort in your life. Perhaps you could even delve into the wider circumstances of the trigger event to see if you can intuit what it was that helped catalyse the deeper trauma that took place. As ever, it is the light of consciousness that heals most powerfully in all these kinds of situation; allowing you to revisit what was only a partial and immaturely-assessed picture of circumstance when it first happened to you “in the past” and bringing a new depth of understanding to it with your current breadth and maturity of awareness.
In a week of one major epiphany after another, this is one of the most healing realisations of my entire health-journey to date, one which has transformed me in all the layers from deep-cellular to the very relationship that I have with the world at-large. If you have ever recognised bully-energy in your life or reacted to 'outside' fears and limitations seemingly delivered by other people or situations, I invite you to travel the path that I was taken on this last few days, leading to what feels like a deep healing of, well, everything.