The slow and steady loss of independence that can happen when you have a disability or health issue can be quite pernicious, quietly gnawing into the roots of your confidence until its too late to undo. Exploring ways that we get to feel independent in spite of other limitations and how important it is to preserve them.
So many of us feel like we are waiting for the other shoe to drop, breath held, with forces beyond our control seemingly holding all sway over our lives. All the more important, then, to corner some area of your life where you get to exercise the muscle of influencing things that feel creative and positive, whether this is a literal act of creation (and I don’t just mean art) or making decisions, taking actions, putting things in the diary that will help sculpt a better feeling about life, for yourself and others.
To an extent, those of us who have been on these long-lonely self-healing journeys are always destined to be misunderstood. Our very journey has awoken us to such a different paradigm of reality that we are hardly on the same book cover (probably not even in the same book shop...) as anyone else, let alone the same page. People who haven’t been through what we have are simply incapable of understanding the depth of the inner journey as we self-explored our own existential crisis, inch by inch, day by day, nor the altered trajectory of the journey since that all began for us...but many more people are starting out on those journeys now and we can be of assistance to those who start to seek us out because we shine a light on somewhere they have found themselves; yes, we can do that, if they meet us here...
It's not the first time I've been fascinated by how closely my health journey has matched the undulations of the solar cycles but today, when I saw this timeline graph on Spaceweather.com, showing cycles 23 and 24 (which is coming to a close), the match was so startling that I decided to play around with … Continue reading So, how was your solar cycle?
If you have chronic health condition going on then reading about voltage-gated calcium channels might not sound like what you want to be doing right now...but it might actually be a key in the door of your understanding!
In the midst of health crisis, you develop confidence in who you are; more confidence than you have ever had in your life before. You move into greater flow, clarity and understanding. Everything seems to come together. Synchronicities orchestrate your life with such perfection. Experience expands even as (you know) others look at your life and see it as smaller than it once was. In time…just give it time as the body is the slowest vibrating part of you…all of this feeds straight back into the body’s cells and starts to inform a whole new reality at the physical level. If your physical crashes feel as intense as they always were (perhaps more so), maybe it is because of the contrast with how rapidly you are now vibrating in the nonphysical dimensions; perhaps you can allow that there is a perfection, not a problem, going on and you are having to integrate a massive change into your physical vehicle, which might take just a little practice before it becomes smooth and seamless.
The symptoms known only to me, that are my only “evidence” of fibromyagia, occur whenever they choose, eluding and scrambling every kind of predictor that I've tried to throw at them like an expert encryption device. Their arrival is like a seeping mist, weaving around my ankles, rising like the flick of a torch flame up the spine, enveloping me so quickly in widespread pain that I’m taken off-guard, pulled down and deep so fast that its like being bundled into sack and stolen from my own life for just as long as it desires to take me hostage. Over the years, I've followed the growing instinct to vocalise what I experience in my body in order to give it the ransom that it wants….its voice; and not in a way that feels like I am being forced but, rather, loving towards this thing, recognising what feels most abandoned about it. This thing has remained mute for far too long…I sense that above all things…and whilst Ive come to recognise the thin line between “voice” and throwing wood on its bonfire, I know that helping it to find its edges, its form, its expression is what this thing most asks of me in a way that feels like divine collaboration. To suppress it is to perpetuate its wound, to become complicit in its harms, like those who avert eyes or say nothing when an abuse is taking place. I need to see it, track it, hear its subtle intonations, notice its difficult patterns, it complexities, those things it reacts most to; to strive to make sense of what struggles to know itself without this interface of ME as its platform of both experience and expression. There’s no doubt in my mind, it's the yin coming in - this is the feminine arriving on a wave - and she will be mute and formless no more; not through me and those like me who are sensing her arrival as a visceral thing.Yet her real power moment is when her foreign (so things have been made to seem...) wave gets to meet the yang sat on his porch keeping guard over his well-mown turf; its that interplay of two impulses that plays out in the body and they both have something huge to gain from the dialogue.
Living whole 