Burnout or even trauma can be a very real risk if you are autistic and find social engagement really challenging or have poor track record; however, it can also be a highly positive "stim" from which you may get far more positive effects than you know. How to reconcile this two pony team, and the completely different directions they pull in, can be a lifelong conundrum if you happen to be both autistic and ADHD but getting it right can potentially lead to far better health and a vastly improved quality of life.
Nurodivergents and neurotypicals are sometimes poles apart in their communication styles but imagine if we could just try to meet on some common ground whilst accepting those differences (that last part is key…nobody should be required to change themselves). Isn’t this exactly where the best hopes of humanity lie, as in, meeting across the so-called impossible divide?
Highly Sensitive People spend whole lifetimes feeling like we live on the fringe of all fringes, dancing someone else’s dance (carefully), feeling odd when we compare ourselves with what are supposedly “normal” reactions to everyday situations, when we feel unable to join in because things get too much for us such as when life is too noisy, busy or triggering to be borne by our finely tuned wiring and when we just can’t manage the loneliness of being, apparently, the only one who notices things that, to us, are obvious…So, from now on, let all that be for a higher reason; embrace its potential, not its weirdness or other people's misfits ideas about it. This trait has been proven to be an evolutionary potential in every one of the many species where it has been found to exist (in just 20% of the population in every case) and it is also shown not to be a pathology, so let's stop acting like it is. Now is the time to dare to be, unapologetically, ourselves...or walk off to where we feel better and are listened to and truly valued for our gifts, even be alone for a while to recover and grow ourselves, rather than this endless rub and rejection.
...for those of us who are especially sensitive, though the idea of being "out" amongst a load of other people in a room together is quite abhorrent as an idea, the reality is we could benefit from this more than most...because its the missing link to our health, we have to dare to go there to break the stalemate of our stuckness, and choir is an appropriate way in as it puts us where harmony is the very name of the game.
We arrive in this world wide-open to things that neurotypicals seem to have no idea or sense of and with trusting hearts so full of unconditional love, such transparency and truth, such an all-pervading knowledge of the sameness of all living creatures, that it takes a lifetime of being told we are wrong to perfect the structures that hold us intact, in spite of such a tide of contradiction to what we still know and hold so tenderly inside.
"There are many things I love about christmas and yet, I never understood why I could ALSO feel so alone at times on Christmas Day. It didn’t make sense, but it would happen to me, year after year. I have a loving, fun family and 7 brilliant nieces and nephews, so we are a large … Continue reading Christmas wierdness
I used to think that tipping the balance of my recovery involved staying unfailingly on the positive side of a tug-o-war that had me desperately pulling every experience to the 'positive side', the most 'optimistic' interpretation, giving everything the 'happy' spin. All that did was give me rope burn. Lately, I've gone into myself and said very little rather than admit how much I was suffering. When we mute ourselves in our times of need, this leads to a sort of malignancy where we turn everything inwards and gnaw away at our own centre, our very life-source. It happens for a variety of reasons, perhaps to protect ourselves or others from hearing 'our stuff' - which amounts to an almighty blockage on our ability to self-express, which is the crucial first stage of any sustained healing process. There is no place for pretence or politeness where avoiding malignancy is concerned, we all deserve to be heard - both when things are going great (yay, lets celebrate) and when they have become an almighty struggle. Enacting this process is - quite simply - an example of unconditional love in action; delivered as love and honour of self and in the form of the reciprocated love of anyone who takes the time to hear you when you are in your darkest place. Let it all out and love yourself, love yourself and love yourself a little more for all you have been through and let that knowing empower you as you realise you will never abandon yourself, come what will. This exercise in 'saying it like it is' was a powerful one for me, it brought a lot of positives to the surface and turned into a ceremony of honouring, releasing and healing some very deep trauma from my cells - the process of which I share in this week's blog.