We all need some sort of containment, a reliable edge to our experiences, to enable us feel held and supported in life...and belief systems can do this for the majority of people (to a point). My neurodiverse way seems to have required that I build by own edges from scratch, plucked from a cacophony of sensory experiences and turned into the life supporting routines, rituals and focal points of my life; some distinctly more supportive than others (but getting there). Exploring the need for edges and how to make them better - Asperger's style.
This is not illness but, rather, I am rebuilding my body - better and stronger; upgraded and evolving - after a decade of unsurprising health foibles following a cathartic event, a necessary break-down, that I chose for my own highest evolution. I chose to tear up the trajectory I was on before, to abruptly stop it in its tracks, in order to choose a completely new one, within the framework of the same lifetime as before. That - itself - was a sign of all the vast newness come knocking at the door, a new option on the table; for me and for the many others who are now choosing this route of swopping trajectories without the need to actively leave their human body. To carry this off, we play with the symbols of breakdown and illness…in order to logically explain what is happening to our own minds and the minds of others who share our experiences and yet, once we know this is the “purpose” of breakdown, it is no longer necessary for us to go through this performance a moment longer than it serves us. Understanding this is big; allows for deepest awe and appreciation of the self that volunteered to make conscious the choice of anchoring a higher version of self in human form than the one we started out with in this particular body. We rewired ourselves "on the job", a walking surgeon's table, in order to have the appropriate hardware to receive this new expression of self; and we worked very hard indeed at the illusion of “mini-death” to make this transition feel real to our minds...(continue reading).