Compelled to make a deep study of Fear as I have been, why does Fear itself feel more like a virus contagion than Coronavirus? What can we learn from that?
In our DNA coding, we are all we have ever been and could be, some of it realised, some tucked away, some as yet to be activated, but when things aren’t going so well and we defer to some other version of self that feels historic, there are questions to be asked; what is it that we so-nostalgically crave about that earlier experience, what does it offer that we now believe we lack? Is it the sheer fact of simplicity or is it the absence of predators, of duality or stress? Why do we ever crave winding the clock back; can we glean that same "thinking" going on in our biology? What can this tell us about how to tackle the healing process, to get past those really deep "stuck-points"...and how do we recruit quantum methods to hasten that along?
Abandonment - real or imagined - in childhood, especially very early in life, is considered one of the most serious triggers of deeply ingrained illness and even post traumatic stress, I newly read this morning. How did I not know this, though I have noted many times how my symptoms match those of PTSD. But that’s all about war-zones, being a veteran, seeing many killings, too much destruction and death, isn’t it? Apparently no, not always; and those with it embedded play out some terribly self-destructive themes, many of which are deeply familiar to me. These reactions, the traits, the repeat behaviours…they are like the patchwork of my lifetime's worst experiences and I find the very themes that have triggered the high-adrenalin and sheer nervous exhaustion of my health collapse, over and over again. So, if this is you, have you considered this traumatic root to your unsolved health issues because we are so adept at covering over these earliest traumas, or playing them down as "nothing", that we can forget to give them the attention they crave in order to heal.
Consider this; for whom do you stall your own recovery? Who in your world would not know how to handle a new and vigorous you; what decisions have you made on the back of your illness (perhaps huge ones, like giving up a career, selling your house, raiding your savings) that would now look fraudulent or unnecessary in the light of how you would be if this thing was suddenly gone in a nano second. So who do you think you are paying back, with interest, through your suffering? What hobbies, communities, friendships, routines, lifestyles, identities have you built around being in this club of the chronically unwell? What inner sanctum would you feel you no longer belonged to if you tore up your lifetime, long-service, membership card? Are there family members you long to be close to, perhaps ones that are no longer here, that you would feel less close to (you think) if you did things differently to them? Do you feel like you would be abandoning others to their fate if you got better "without them"? Can you allow that none of this matters…that everything can recalibrate and take on new and wonderful shapes on the back of a recovery that would have everybody clapping and cheering for you, at least at the highest level of their being. Do you fear going back into your old life, a previous career perhaps…rather, can you allow that this thing has changed you so utterly that you don’t have to do that but can actually reinvent from scratch now? That you have earned the right to call your own tune, having been through what you just went through? That the best rope you can throw anyone is to be the example of all they can look forward to themselves, just as soon as they want this enough for themselves to reach out for it? That the future this holds is so unexpected and new that you can’t second guess it and just have to summon the courage to go along for the ride. But, whatever, its got to be better than the predictable plug-hole future of “more” illness, surely....(read more).