What would I be without “all that”?

Last time, I shared about my new optimism that I can heal from years of chronic health conditions using a tool called The Gupta Program, which I am now into my third week of following, with tangible shifts in how I feel.

So I guess some part of me is sparking to life, like a seed that was long waiting for some light and water to penetrate the hard soil, to consider what life would look like without those conditions hanging all around me; what and who would I be? While I was meditating this morning, a response as clear as a bell came into my mind, fully formed, as follows:

I would be a neurodiverse hypermobile person (which is both to think and move outside the box…) with exceptional skills of insight and sensitivity, who knows how she likes to be and work and with whom and how to follow her best, most balanced, guidance through life.

I would be a “creative” who, most importantly, knows how to curate her own experience (a phrase that I keep hearing in my mind these days…), to make it more comfortable and viable, in a world that hasn’t always fit well; a skill indeed. I have learned to self-nurture, to self-prioritise, to self-advocate like almost no one else I know (though I know many of you are out there).

As this came to me in meditation I felt myself want to sit up much taller, all the better to feel the tangible “hookup” between crown and base and to really let that energy of Who I Am course through me, unsullied by mental constructs around faultiness and limitations.

Photo by Francesca Zama on Unsplash

It was, and is still, a powerful moment that lives on in me, a light switched on.

You see, put like this, clearly none of these traits are faults, though hypermobility turned rogue by a lifetime of following other people’s movements becomes “Ehlers Danlos”, neurodiversity made into a rub with the ways things currently are in the world (devised by neurotypicals) becomes “autism” and my highly sensitive, right-brained-intuitive, introverted, solitude prefering traits are met as glitches in the system more often than not. A lifetime of that will get to you sooner or later and more so if you start to believe them yourself; often as mental or physical health challenges (or both). So, what would I be, without all that baggage lodged in my psyche?

Now that I am clearing the way for a different path, at least in my own thinking, these things shine forth as the gifts that they always were and I am becoming ever more ready and eager, day-by-day, to explore them without all the pain baggage!

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